ADRENALINE
Fall Away Bonus Content Book (originally published in 2016)
Hi! ADRENALINE has been on Amazon since 2016, but I’ve unpublished it and uploaded it here to read. Be aware, this is a collection of bonus scenes and conversations I wrote for readers on Facebook and Instagram over the years that I finally compiled into one place. Since most of the bonus content readers like to see is post-HEA, this contains a lot of intimacy that may feel like too much to read at once. Just remember, it was originally content that was written over the course of years.
And for anyone asking, I don’t have current plans to edit it to include bonus content I’ve written since, but once the Hellbent series is done, I may compile a new book with everything. Perhaps one for Devil’s Night, as well, with all the content I’ve already written for the Facebook group and such over the years.
A Fall Away Series Bonus Collection
By Penelope Douglas
Copyright © 2016 Penelope Douglas
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system without the prior written permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
Interior Formatting by Elaine York
Allusion Graphics, LLC/Publishing & Book Formatting (http://www.allusiongraphics.com)
Please be aware—this text is simply bonus content for the Fall Away Series. It is not a novel, or even a story. It contains character conversations, deleted and bonus scenes, and some Q&As collected over the past few years.
All of the conversations and scenes have been organized according to the timeline of the story. Please be aware that these conversations can be spoilers if you haven’t read certain books.
Bonus Scenes
Chemistry Lab Scene
Jared
I smiled as I approached the lab door, heat rushing through my arms and legs. I felt like I was at the Loop with the butterflies taking flight in my stomach.
Tate was working after school again and gave me strict instructions to back off and let her study.
But I had other plans today.
It’d been almost a week since we had sex the first time, and she’d been slapping my hands away ever since like she couldn’t read a science textbook with my hand on her leg, for Christ’s sake. While she promised that she’d be all mine this weekend at Homecoming, I couldn’t control myself. I’d prefer her straddling me naked on a chair, but right now I’d settle for a goddamn kiss.
Opening the door to the lab, I saw Tate across the room with her back to me completely immersed in her task. I could make out the faint sound of music, and I saw her bobbing her head as she grabbed a flask.
She had her earbuds in. Perfect.
And damn, she was cute in her apron.
Turning around, I locked the door from the outside with a key that I wasn’t supposed to have, closed it, and walked over to my girl. It amazed me how seeing her—knowing that I was going to touch her—got my heart racing faster than it did when I was tearing up the track.
A drop of sweat trickled down my back, so I yanked my hoodie over my head and let it drop to the floor.
Coming up behind Tate, I wrapped my arms around her and buried my teeth in her neck, not knowing half the time if I wanted to kiss her or eat her. She made so hungry.
“Oh!” She yelped, and I reached out to steady her hand before she dropped the flask.
She yanked her earbuds out, and I held her tighter, feeling the rise and fall of her chest.
“It’s just me, babe,” I whispered in her ear, pressing my body into hers.
“Jared!” She shook her head and squirmed away from me. “No, no, no…”
And I watched in amusement as she scurried away to the other side of the lab table, clearly putting a barrier between us. Her blue eyes were bright with pent up laughter, and her mouth twitched with a smile as she tried to stand tough.
I narrowed my eyes in mock confusion. “Did you just run away from me?” I asked, trying not to laugh.
She folded her arms over her chest. “Yes. I get all confused around you, and I told you not to kiss me or put your hands on me until after my Chemistry test tomorrow. You need to stop. Go away.”
I shrugged, holding my hands up. “I’ve been good this week. I haven’t pushed.” I walked around the table toward her to which she continued circling the other way to maintain distance. “I just don’t think I’m going to be able to make it another two days, baby. You have to give me something to get me by.”
“I don’t have to do anything.” She shook her head, tipping her chin up.
Wanna bet?
I lunged for her, swinging myself around the table, and she squealed as she leapt two tables over farther away. She turned around to face me, her sweet face flushed and excited. It was like I was the predator, and she was the prey, but right now, she was the one killing me. It didn’t matter that her skin peeked out between her jeans and her shirt or that her hair was falling in her face. I was addicted to that look she wore that said, ‘Yeah, I want you, but I’m still saying no.’
It was a challenge, and it was fun.
I put my fists down on the table and leaned in. “I like you, Tatum. I like your body. If you take it away, then you’ll have to find some other way to entertain me.” I couldn’t hide the smile from my face, and I hoped she remembered the last time we had a similar conversation.
She squinted her eyes at me like she was playing at being mad, but then she spoke up sarcastically, “And what disgusting task, pray tell, would you like me to do?”
Without the patience to toy around anymore, I walked over to the iPod she left on the lab table and scrolled through her songs, touching on Seether’s Remedy. Turning up the volume, we could hear it just fine through the earbuds. Avoiding the lab stools, I grabbed the teacher’s chair that had the armrests and a back and sat down in the middle of the room.
She let out a bitter laugh. “I didn’t give you a lap dance then, Jared. What makes you think I’m going to give you one now?” She pushed her hair behind her ears and placed her hands on her hips.
“Because I’ll leave,” I shot back. “The door’s locked. We’re alone.”
She raised her eyebrows. “You have a key to the school?”
“No,” I corrected. “I used to have a key to the school until you threw it off the side of the road. I borrowed Madoc’s. He got one sophomore year, so we could borrow car parts from auto shop.”
“Borrow?”
“The less you know, the better.” I smirked. “So, are you game, or are you scared?”
God, I didn’t know what my problem was, but challenging Tate always made me fucking ecstatic. I didn’t expect her to give me a lap dance, and I definitely didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or angry. I just loved engaging her. She always rose to the occasion, and maybe I wanted to see what she’d do.
All I knew was that I didn’t want to leave.
She cocked her head to the side and studied me. What she was looking for I didn’t know, but the temperature in the room shot up about ten degrees.
“Okay,” she said quietly. “Start the song over.”
My smirk fell, and I swallowed. Oh. My. God. She was playing with me. She had to be.
But then I watched, wide-eyed, as she reached behind her back and untied her apron. Slipping it over her head, she let it fall to the floor before she slid her button-down blouse off her arms, leaving her in only tight jeans and a thin, dark gray tank top.
My chest ached, and I inhaled a deep breath, realizing that I needed to breathe.
“Jared,” she whispered, her eyes hooded and fucking me from across the room. “The music?”
Oh, yeah. I blinked and reached over to the lab table, touching the arrow to start the song over and sat my ass back down.
As soon as the music started, she walked toward me, chin tipped down and looking like she was trying to bite back a smile. A sliver of her stomach still peeked out, and her hips swayed slowly as she stepped up to the chair. I let my head fall back as she hovered. Her eyes were a little bit unsure but a whole lot determined.
The beat of the drums kicked in, and my fucking heart crashed down into my stomach when Tate put her hands on my shoulders and started moving her hips in a circle to match the music. Her stomach looked like a wave flowing with the rhythm, and every time her hips moved in close to my body, I wanted to reach out and grab her.
Around and around, in and out, her body taunted me, going fast. The music flooded the air, and I forgot where I was. All I saw was Tate screwing me with her clothes on.
She placed her hands on the armrests and leaned in, washing over me like the ocean. First her breasts, then her stomach, and finally her hips grinding into me, and I closed my eyes with the jolt to my dick.
Shit. This was a mistake. I was going to be in worse shape when I left than when I came in.
She turned around and laid her head back on my shoulder, breathing into my neck like she was in pain.
“Jared,” she whispered, moist and hot against my jaw. “Touch me.”
I clenched my fists, wondering what she was doing to me. Jesus. If I touched her, I’d have to have her.
“Where?” I choked out.
“You know where.” Her voice shook.
Jesus. Was she going to let me have her?
I pulled the strap of her top off her shoulder and kissed her skin, while my hand continued to glide down her chest, over her hard nipple, across her stomach and then between her legs, rubbing her softly.
“Yes,” she breathed out as she continued moving to the music and dry-fucking me.
I held her neck, guided her lips to mine, and licked her top lip. Sweat broke out on my forehead, but I dove into the heat anyway, grabbing her bottom lip between my teeth and sucking.
Her mouth wasn’t just on mine. The feeling tingled in my jaw and spread down my neck. The taunts of her kisses and touches were agony, but it was sweet. I knew where the trail led, and I didn’t mind prolonging the torture when I knew where we were going.
I loved knowing that I was going to let go inside of her.
I jerked, a knock sounding on the door, and I twisted my head to the side.
Wha—
“Jared,” Tate whimpered into my cheek and grinded on me harder. I blinked, breathing hard and refocusing on her.
Shit. I squeezed her hips, the pleasure of her rubbing on my cock out of this world. “Baby, someone’s at the—”
“Jared, I want you right here, right now,” she breathed out, her sweet breath heating up my face.
“Hell, yes—”
“But I have to go,” she cut me off and stood up.
Her warmth left me, and I watched as she stood up, pulling the strap of her shirt back on her shoulder not even sparing me a glance.
Holy shit! “What?!” I barked.
She looked at me, a single eyebrow raised. “I. Have. To. Go.”
“Are you kidding me?” I pinched my eyebrows together, the ache in my cock ready to set fire to my jeans. “You’re going to leave me like this?”
“You said you’d leave if I gave you a lap dance.”
“But…but…”
“I have a study date, Jared.” And she smiled sweetly, and walked over to get her shirt off the floor.
A date?!
“A study date?” I blurted out, standing up. “With who?”
“Steven Stoddard.”
The pimple kid? “Stevie Stoddard?” I asked, still really fucking confused.
“Yeah.” She nodded at me as she threw her supplies back in the crate and grabbed her bag. “The kid you spread the rumor about me losing my virginity to freshman year? We’re studying Chemistry at Mario’s. Don’t wait up, baby.”
And she smiled and walked out the door.
I stood there, lame and in pain, wondering what the hell she’d just done to me.
Oh, she was definitely getting it this weekend.
***
Valentine’s Day Scene
Tate
“So where’s Jared?” K.C. asked as she propped her elbows up on the counter and peered down at me.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to the rows of bowling shoes I was putting away. “Well, obviously since I’m working, K.C., he’s not here. We celebrated Valentine’s last night.” I stuffed the shoes into their cubbies, keeping my back to her.
“Mrow! You’re touchy. What’s up?”
Standing up, I dusted off my black pants and turned around to face her. K.C. worked next door at the movie theater, and I’d been working at the bowling alley since November. She made it a point to come in on days when I worked, either on breaks or after her shift. I kind of wondered if she came over in the hopes of seeing someone other than me.
“Nothing.” I shrugged my shoulders and tightened my ponytail. “Jared took Jax out of town with him on family business.” I paused to make air quotes around ‘family business’. “And I offered to work for Lacey, since she wanted the night off with her boyfriend.” I quickly glanced at K.C. before looking away again, too afraid she’d see my aggravation. “It’s fine.”
“Fine?” She repeated in a flat voice as if confirming she heard me right. Her big green eyes stared at me, disbelieving.
“Yes. Fine.” I dismissed her and walked down the aisle behind the counter. I was trying to keep calm. Ever since last fall, I realized I had an—shall we say—anger problem. I took deep breaths, I started yoga, and I tried not jumping to conclusions. Right now, I focused on the thunder of bowling balls charging down their path and the clatter of pins crashing together.
I liked bowling alleys. It was a constant thunderstorm.
I heard K.C. slap her hand down on the counter. “Tatum Brandt. Your boyfriend goes out of town with his whore of a brother—on Valentine’s Day, no less—and you aren’t even slightly aggravated?”
“‘Whore?’ That’s pretty harsh.” I smiled and almost laughed, forgetting my anger for a moment.
She was wrong. Jax wasn’t a whore. Not in the way Jared had been, at least.
But he was getting lots of attention.
Now that Jared was off the market, the girls at school welcomed the new Trent with open arms and open…everything. They looked at him like he was a toy—something to play with—and I could tell it pissed Jax off, big time.
Jax didn’t like women who were controlling. In the few months he’d lived with Jared and Katherine, I’d only seen him go for the shy ones. The quiet ones.
The good girls.
Kenzie, the pretty and studious vice president, never knew what hit her.
“No,” I continued. “I’m not aggravated with Jared. I trust him. I’m just disappointed. If he says he had to go out of town, then he had to go out of town.”
“Well, he lied to you,” she said, matter-of-factly.
I straightened my back, exhaling through my nose. “K.C., knock it off.”
I looked over at her as she smoothed her long, dark brown hair and adjusted her bowtie—part of her theater uniform.
“I’m telling you…” She nodded. “He lied. He didn’t go out of town on family business.”
“And how do you know?”
She broke out in a huge smile. “Because he’s walking this way.” She almost laughed it out in her excitement, and my eyes went wide as I darted my gaze behind her.
Jared and Jax walked side by side down the red and gold carpet between the lanes and the concession stands, straight for me.
What the hell?
My whole face tingled, seeing the corner of his mouth turned up in that I-really-want-to-smile-but-I’m-too-cool way that turns me the hell on.
His eyes glowed. My knees went weak.
His dark gray t-shirt draped loosely at the waist but tighter in the chest and arms, and my eyes burned when I realized I wasn’t blinking.
And when he winked at me? Holy shit.
I snapped my mouth shut before I started drooling.
Who is this girl? Every damn day I want him more! I’m supposed to be getting tired of him. Bored. Isn’t that how relationships work? We start arguing over our little quirks?
But no. I’m like a stupid, little puppy still panting away over my boyfriend after five months. I ogle him. I fantasize about him. And the little bastard knows it, too. He tries crooking his finger in the lunchroom to get me to come.
I don’t obey, but man, I want to.
“Happy Valentine’s Day.” He hops up on the counter, swings his legs over and jumps down.
“Happy—” His mouth crashes down on mine, cutting me off. His lips are smooth and refreshingly cold from the February chill outside, and I eat up his cinnamon taste. Backing me up, his hands stay on my hips as he guides us through the swinging door to the back room. I barely register Jax’s voice.
“Hi.”
And I hear K.C. mumble something about unsupervised children not being allowed in the bowling alley.
Then they were gone. Jared’s breath is in my ear, kissing a trail across my cheek.
“I thought you went out of town.” I closed my eyes, running my hands up his arms.
“On Valentine’s Day?” He puts his nose to mine. “How many times do I have to tell you? Where I go, you go.”
He leans in again, devouring my mouth and taking my ass in both of his hands. As he yanks me into him, our hips come together, and I groan.
Son of a bitch. Everything is warm, and my muscles tingle with a sweet weakness. I have no idea how I’ll get through medical school with Jared around.
I grab the back of his neck and push into him, pressing my lips into his and my body molding to his every curve.
He lifts me up and on the counter, deepening the kiss.
I pull back. “Wait, wait. Don’t get too hot. I’m still working.”
He doesn’t even pause as he starts kissing my neck. “K.C.’s taking your shift,” he whispers. “Well, actually your co-workers are, and K.C. will help out. You have two hours before curfew, so you’re coming with me.”
I thread my fingers through his hair. “Where are you taking me? The lake?” Our usual private spot for…privacy.
His head pops up, and he narrows his eyes at me. “No, I’m done with that.” He fists my red necktie—part of my uniform—and wraps it around his hand, slowly bringing us nose to nose. “We’ve been sneaking around for months as if your dad doesn’t know we’re going to find some way to have sex. I’ve had enough.”
Chills spread up my neck and down my arms. I clear my throat. “Jared, I’m sure he knows we’re finding the time. It doesn’t mean he’s going to support it.”
He kisses my nose and between my eyes. “Well, I’m sick of it. My car, your car, my garage last week. Rushing around between the end of school and him getting home from work. It’s ridiculous, and we’re not doing it anymore.”
Okay, now he was scaring me. “So what does that mean?” I pulled back.
He smiled. I mean smiled smiled. To where I actually saw teeth. “It means I’ve got a present for the both of us. Come on.”
He grabbed my hand, and I hopped off the counter.
We drove for a while. Jax had brought his car, opting to stay at the bowling alley, so Jared and I headed to the other side of town. Houses started getting bigger, city lights started getting dimmer, and Jared remained silent, only nodded his head ever so slightly to Alice in Chains’ Would?.
He pulled up the Boss to a huge black gate and punched in a six digit code while my heart started pounding in my ears.
What was all this?
I didn’t ask, but—damn—I was intrigued. We were heading into the Seven Hills community, which I’d heard of but never been and Jared had the gate code?
The drive dipped, and we rode down a well-lit avenue lined in trees and tall hedges protecting the privacy of the houses behind them. Jared slowed and turned into a black brick driveway.
Holy crap!
My eyes couldn’t take in everything fast enough. The house—and I use that term loosely—sat bright and huge in front of us. It looked almost French in its architecture, but not over the top in its grandeur. The brickwork was light colored—beige, mauve, off white—while the trim was painted in deep red. Lights were everywhere. On the sides of the door, over windows, and in a few rooms of the house.
“Jared, whose house is this?” I asked as he pulled onto another driveway off to the side of the house.
“Madoc’s.” He put the car in neutral, set the e-brake and killed the engine “Wait here.”
Climbing out of the car, Jared rounded the front and came over to open my door.
“How did I not know Madoc was this rich?” I mumbled more to myself as he helped me out of the car.
“I think Madoc likes to forget that fact.” He laughed under his breath. He led as we walked hand in hand farther along the side of the house. Brick stairs led up the side toward the rear, and I followed behind, completely confused as he pulled keys out of his pocket. I had no idea what was going on, but I had no idea what to ask next.
“This part of the house is closed off from the rest,” Jared said back to me. “There’s another door into this room, but no one comes to this side of the…um…”
“Mansion?” I offered.
“Yeah.” He unlocked the door at top.
We walked in slowly but immediately I felt different. The smell of new things, furniture polish, the leather in a car, and the faint smell of cologne filled my lungs, and I felt warm all over.
Jared turned on the dim overhead lighting and switched on a lamp, all creating a soft glow in the very masculine bedroom. The walls looked freshly painted a very light tan color, the hardwood floors were accented with a spotless beige rug, and the king-size bed was adorned with pillows big enough for me to lie my body on. A rustic, stone fireplace sat along one wall, and I couldn’t remember ever feeling so safe and comfortable in a room before.
I realized that while I’d been absorbing every nook and cranny, Jared had stopped moving.
“It’s beautiful.” I locked eyes with him. “Almost like a cave.”
He leaned against the dresser, watching me. I shifted my eyes to his left and noticed a picture sitting pretty in a black frame of us at Homecoming last fall.
Wait a minute.
Heading to the chest of drawers, I yanked on one of the handles and spotted some of Jared’s clothes. Opening another drawer, I saw some t-shirts.
I had to force back my smile before I turned to face him. His eyes were waiting, but I could see the smile inside.
“So…” I started, “you have clothes here. And some t-shirts for me. We have keys and a gate code. This is our room, isn’t it?” I guessed.
He inhaled deeply and pushed off the dresser. “Madoc’s parents are always gone, and we’re going to be here a lot this summer with all of his parties. There’s not much I can do about your curfew, but at least now we have our own space. With a lot of privacy and comfort.”
“And a bed,” I added.
“It’s not about that.” He blinked. “Well, it kind of is.”
I met him halfway and wrapped my arms around his waist.
“I’m just done with quickies and sneaking around, Tate. It feels like we’re doing something dirty.”
“Oh, we are,” I waggled my eyebrows and whispered before snatching his bottom lip between my teeth.
He sucked in a breath, and we nibbled at each other in short, soft kisses. Lifting me up, I wrapped my legs around his waist and moved my hands over his shoulders and onto his back.
“Ugh,” he grunted, pinching up his face, and that’s when I noticed the slight ridges and crinkly sound coming from underneath his shirt. It felt like a plastic bag.
“What is that?”
He laughed out his nose. It looked like his teeth were clenching together. “Your other present,” he forced out.
Lifting up his shirt, I pulled it over his head and lost my breath when I saw his shoulder wrapped up in a plastic, black bag secured with medical tape.
“Jared!” What the hell was this?
“It’s okay. It’s just a tattoo. Help me take off the wrapping.”
I followed him into the bathroom, and that’s when I saw it.
The rest of the tattoo.
“That’s why I had to come up with a story of being unavailable tonight,” he explained as I helped him take off the tape and bag, throwing the trash into the sink. “I needed to buy time. Aura was taking longer with the tattoo than I anticipated, and she couldn’t finish until tonight. It took five sittings. I was going to surprise you at home, but then you picked up a shift, and I had to get K.C. and your work friends to help get you out of there early.”
Jesus. My mouth went dry, and I could only stand there.
His back was to the bathroom mirror, and I faced him, studying the image in the reflection. It was unmistakable.
It was our tree. Down to the last branch.
The trunk travelled up the right of his back, and then the branches and leaves started spreading out about halfway up. Some of the leaves went over his shoulder and down the back of his arm. It was all in black, and my stomach felt like it sat in my feet.
I could barely speak. “Jared. You’re beautiful.”
Jared
Beautiful? I laughed to myself. It wasn’t really the look I was going for, but I guess a tree tattoo wasn’t that badass.
Tate always saw what she wanted to see in me, and I loved it. I still didn’t see the man I wanted when I looked in the mirror, but every day I felt better and better about who I was.
The tree was for her, and it was for me. I wanted my scars covered, and I wanted to take the tree with us to New York in the fall. Aura saw a picture and wasted no time drawing it up and getting started. It had cost a lot of time away from Tate and some stealth maneuvering so that she never saw my back, but it worked. Aura saved the last part for today. The part that I wouldn’t be able to hide from Tate that traveled down my arm and over my shoulder. The skin still burned to the touch, but there was no way I was telling her not to touch me tonight.
“Enough talking.” I reached out and grabbed her hip, pulling her to me. “We haven’t showered together since your birthday, and we only have an hour left.”
“Why? Do you have somewhere to be?” She leaned into my ear and whispered. “Because my dad texted two hours ago that he had to hop a plane to Colorado for business until Tuesday.”
My nerves fired, and my eyes widened. “Hell, yes!” I took no time scooping her up and planting a fat kiss right on her mouth.
She pulled back and pointed her finger at me. “You’re not allowed inside the house, though.”
“I don’t want inside the house. I want inside you. Right now and at two A.M. or whenever the hell I feel like it tonight.”
The idea of waking up next to her in the morning, or—hell—even in the middle of the night, and having what I want right there made me feel all kinds of selfish, but I didn’t care.
I loosened her necktie, and pulled it over her head while she unbuttoned her white dress shirt. In no time at all, she’d shed her bra, too, and I pulled her naked chest against mine, feeling the very familiar fire pool in my dick. I had three levels of of horny: 1. Eh, I can if I want to. 2. Wow, I wish Tate was around. 3. Now.
And with Tate naked, it was always number three.
I unbuttoned her black pants and slipped my hands inside the back, cupping her ass and bringing her up against me like glue. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I ignored the slight discomfort on my back. Who the hell cared?
“Are your shots up to date?” I asked in between kisses.
“Yeah,” she gasped as I took her breast in my hand and nibbled her neck. “Jared. So much time now. What will we do?” she teased, rubbing me through my pants.
Shit.
I squeezed my eyes shut and hot air poured in and out of my nose. Backing us up, I opened the shower door and turned the knob. Two shower heads sprayed water from both sides, filling the small area with thick steam. I pulled away from her but kept my eyes trained on her panting face. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips glistened. She’d taken out her ponytail, and I could see her nipple peeking out from under her hair. God, she was beautiful.
All fire and passion. All mine.
Yanking off my belt, I tossed it and tore out of the rest of my clothes. She did the same with her pants and backed into the shower, not losing my eyes for minute. I probably looked like the lion stalking its prey, but that wasn’t it. She was the predator luring me in.
Closing the door behind me, I watched her watch me as she leaned against the shower wall, waiting for me. Even though Tate was the one in control, she always let me feel like I was hunting her. I loved that. Pressing the length of my body against hers, every muscle tingled with chills. I was warm and high.
Lifting her leg, I held it at my hip and put my fingers between her legs, rubbing long, slow strokes as I looked down at her. Tate preferred my cock to my fingers inside of her, but she loved to be rubbed. Slow. Always slow.
So slow that I could see the exact moment when her body started to lose control, and it was addictive. Her breathing dipped, and she almost lost eye contact when her lids fluttered.
The water poured around our legs, and the steam made our bodies stick together. The air was thick and hot. I used the tip of my tongue to lick her bottom lip. “Fuck my hand, Tate,” I whispered against her mouth.
She moaned, and her eyes closed as she grasped my shoulders and started rocking herself against my hand. Soft and slow at first. Then the friction started getting harder. She pushed against my palm rougher and faster, more demanding. I felt her wet against my fingers.
She grabbed onto my hand, and I hooked her at the neck, tasting her lips and feeling her orgasm spring up from her throat and echo into mine. She shook and rocked against my hand, slowing down more and more. I swear I could hear her heart pounding.
“Goddamn, Tate,” I gasped out as she shuddered against my body. Pulling up her other knee, I guided her legs around my waist, and pushing her into the wall, I slammed inside of her.
“Ahh,” she cried out again. “Jared,” she whimpered.
I grasped her thighs hard, probably leaving bruises, but she felt so good.
We’d stopped using condoms two months ago. I got tested, she got on birth control, and we never looked back. After that first time without one, there was no way in hell I wanted to go back to using them. Feeling her, not having that barrier between us, was as close to Heaven as I’d ever get.
“I like it when you moan my name.” I took her bottom lip between my teeth and drew it out while I slid in and out of her. “You’ve been turning my world upside down for eight years. I can’t get enough of you.”
“Never enough.” She brought her mouth to mine, covering my lips. Her tongue tasted mine and darted out to flick my lip.
Never enough.
Jared
I blinked awake in the nearly pitch black room to my phone beeping. Looking at the clock on the bedside table, I saw that is was just after one in the morning. Tate and I had only been asleep for about an hour.
Grabbing my phone, I opened a text from Jax.
Home, it said.
I smiled to myself, surprised by how much him being safe comforted me and by how quickly he’d come to think of my house as his home.
I had started asking him to check in with me, just to let me know where he was. Since Tate and I had gotten together, Jax and Madoc had grown closer, and who knew what trouble they’d get into together.
I shot a text back. Madoc?
Should be home. He left the bowling alley an hour ago.
Awesome. At least Tate and I had been asleep by that time, so he wouldn’t have heard anything.
Night. I texted and put my phone down.
Rolling over and sitting up, I saw that Tate was turned onto her stomach and hugging a pillow underneath her body. She was faced away from me, but I could see the soft moonlight coming through the windows landing across her face and naked back. The sheet sat at her waist. Peering over, I smiled at her relaxed features and swollen lips.
Even though I knew I should just let her sleep, I leaned down on my elbow and ran my other hand up and down her back. I couldn’t not touch her. Like hard candy that I could suck on nonstop or an ice cream cone that I wanted to lick, Tate was food. After only a few months together, there was no part of her body that I didn’t have memorized. I knew that she liked sex in the mornings, that running my fingers through her hair immediately melted her, and that her sweat was the only perfume I wanted her to wear.
Getting up on my hands and one knee, I leaned over her, straightening my other leg over her sleeping ones and began…not leaving her alone. Coming down on her back, I touched the tip of my tongue to her skin and left a moist trail up her spine.
She squirmed. “Baby…” she mumbled, her words muffled by the pillow.
“I want you,” I breathed out, and sliding the sheet down off of her, I opened my mouth and took her ass between my lips and teeth.
“Jared!” she yelped and whipped her head up. “What…?”
But she trailed off when I continued nibbling and kissing, and her head fell back down to the pillow.
“You awake now?” I taunted. I’m sure she heard the smile in my voice.
She sucked in air through her teeth, tensing up her body, looking like she was in pleasure or in pain.
I got my answer when she suddenly squirmed off the bed, and I had to rear back to avoid her kicks as she landed on the floor.
“It’s ticklish,” she squealed. “And it freaks me out.”
My stomach swam with flutters, and I laughed. “I didn’t actually bite you. At least not hard.”
Her eyes darted down to the extreme hardness between my legs, and I raised my eyebrows at her. She looked so cute, legs drawn up to her chest and leaning back on her hands, looking at me like she was ready to run.
“Are you going to take care of this or what?” I gestured to my cock, purposely trying to act like a dick.
What can I say? Tate and I had a weird kind of foreplay.
She pushed herself off of the floor and grabbed the white bed sheet, wrapping it around her body.
“My ass is a ‘no’ area,” she stated firmly, looking at me with her big blue eyes and a lot of fear.
“A ‘no’ area?”
“Yes. Your hands are fine. But not your mouth or…” she stuttered, gesturing up and down my body, “anything else. Got it?”
I smirked, teasing her with mischievous eyes. “What else could I possibly do to you there?”
Her eyes dropped, and she moved her lips left to right, thinking. I chuckled, climbing off the end of the bed and slipping on some black pajama pants I’d left on the floor.
“No part of you is off limits to me, Tatum,” I warned with a grin, and I immediately saw her eyes flare at the mention of her full name that she hated. “Come over here. Now.”
She didn’t.
She launched herself across the bed, and bolted for the bathroom. I moved like a bullet, darting after her so she wouldn’t have a chance to lock me out.
“Nooooo,” she screamed and laughed at the same time as I caught her.
This was how Tate and I played. I knew she wouldn’t come when I ordered. She never did. She gave chase, and I always followed.
And she knew I had no intention of trying to put my dick anywhere new on her tonight. I’d never done that before, and that made me happy. Since I hadn’t been able to give Tate my virginity, at least I could say she was my first with that. Someday.
But damn, I loved her excitement and how she kept me on my toes. She breathed hard, looking at me with fire and a challenge in her eyes while she gripped the sheet tightly around her body.
I stepped forward, backing her into the sink counter.
“Absolutely not.” She shook her head, looking at me like I was crazy. “No anal for me.”
I exhaled a laugh. “I’m not asking for anal, moron,” I joked. “I never did. That’s your overactive imagination at work. But I do want something.”
We were chest to chest, and the low counter had to be biting into her thighs, but I didn’t move. Looking down at her flushed face and stormy eyes, I got hard simply breathing in her scent.
Leaning down, I held her head under her ear and devoured her hot neck, feeling her go limp next to me. I took that opportunity to pull the sheet from her body and throw it to the floor.
She had enough time to yell, “Jared!” before I hauled her up and set her down on the counter, securing her arms behind her back.
Maneuvering myself between her legs, I smiled down at her like the cocky asshole I couldn’t help being.
“Jared, seriously? Let me go.” She struggled against my hands, squirming against my already hard dick, and I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to steady myself.
She wasn’t really trying to get away either, because I knew I wasn’t holding her that tightly.
“We were in this position once before. Remember?” I asked, our lips almost touching as she looked up at me. “I always wondered what would’ve happened if you hadn’t pushed me away.”
She rolled her eyes. “It had already gone far enough. I should’ve pushed you off immediately.”
I rubbed my nose against hers and let go of her hands, placing mine on the counter at her sides. “I’m glad you didn’t. Nothing tasted better than you, and I finally knew what I wanted and needed. It’s what love tastes like.”
Grabbing hold of her, one hand at her neck and one hand on her waist, I brought my mouth down on hers and pulled her against me.
Her knees arched up, and her feet rubbed the backs of my thighs, while her hands slowly roamed. My chest, my back, sliding under the back of my pajama pants…
She pulled back and gasped, “I love you.” And then her mouth was back again. Tate’s chest rubbed against mine, and her hard nipples grazing my skin were like streams of fire trailing to my groin.
Standing up straight and pulling away from her lips, I gently pushed her back on the counter so that her head and shoulders rested against the mirror, and then I dived into her chest, sucking the soft skin of her breasts. Her hands threaded through my hair, her knees reared up, and her back arched as she moaned.
“Now, Jared. Right here.”
Wrapping my hands around her thighs, I pulled her to the edge of the counter and then pushed my pants down over my ass.
Positioning myself at her entrance with one hand and leaning on the mirror behind her head with the other, I looked at her watching me with arched eyebrows. She was rolling her hips against my cock like she couldn’t help herself.
The corner of my mouth turned up. “Love you, too.” And I slipped inside of her, feeling chills erupt over my body as she arched her back again and let out a low moan.
I started slow at first. She was in an awkward position, and I hoped she wasn’t uncomfortable. The set up was great for me, though. I was buried to the hilt, and I bared my teeth as I breathed, fucking loving how good this felt. The counter was the perfect height, and through the mirror I could see her hands gripping my biceps.
With one hand still flat on the mirror and the other at her waist, I upped the pace, faster and faster. She was so damn wet, and I moved in and out her, feeling like I was losing more breath than I was taking in.
“Tate, can I—”
“Faster.” She knew what I was going to ask. “Go faster.” She squeezed her eyes shut, and I let loose, pounding into her and eating up every whimper and gasp of hers like the food it was.
Pumping inside of her, my hips slamming against hers, I groaned at the sweet rush of blood between my legs. Nothing had ever felt as good as this, and I wanted to fuck her until she could barely walk.
Her insides tightened around me, contracting and releasing, and she bit down on her lip.
“Let it out, babe,” I grunted, my head hanging next to my propped up arm and a drop of sweat running down my temple. “You’re so tight. And so damn wet for me. Let me hear you come.”
She cried out, digging her nails into my arms, and I clenched my teeth and sucked in oxygen as we both exploded around each other. Her whole body went rigid, and her breathing turned shallow. Fast and shallow.
My pace slowed as everything inside of me spilled inside of her, and she took everything I had.
Damn.
We stayed there for a minute, breathing and trying to unclench every muscle, and when I finally opened my eyes, she was looking up at me.
Reaching up, she threaded my sweaty hair through her fingers and held it. “No part of me is off limits to you,” she whispered, her voice raspy. “But some things have to happen in due time. Got it?”
A tired smile spread over my face. “Got it.”
Tate
I rested my head on Jared’s chest as we lay in bed after the bathroom sex. I was exhausted but not tired for some reason. We’d had sex in the shower, the bed, and the bathroom counter, and I was sure I was going to be in for it again by morning. But still, I wasn’t tired.
“You should talk to Jax,” I told Jared. “He should ask K.C. out.”
“What for?”
I lifted my head and looked up at his still flushed face and damp hair. “He watches her. You see it, don’t you?”
I knew Jared had ordered Jax to leave K.C. alone, and I knew why. K.C. and I weren’t as solid as we used to be, and Jared wanted her at a distance. At least for now.
He shook his head, his chest rising and falling harder under my chin. “K.C. is weak. That’s all Jax is attracted to.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Jax will take her out. He’ll get into her pants eventually. One time. Maybe five times. And then he’ll be gone.” His bitter laugh made the room seem a little colder. “He needs someone genuine. Someone who knows how to love. Someone who’s steel. That’s not K.C. She’d crack under the weight of a feather. I’m not setting up that train wreck.”
“And Madoc?”
He twisted his head to look at me with his eyes pinched up in confusion.
“Madoc? What about him?”
Oh, that’s it.
I threw off the sheet, swung my leg over his body, straddled him, and slammed my fists down on the pillows on both sides of his head. “Madoc covers up everything with a joke or some crazy display. He has nothing that he cares about except you, Jax, and me. What is he going to do at college next year without you?”
He hooded his eyes as if I were being ridiculous. “Tate, Madoc’s fine. I promise. And so is Jax.”
“I hope you’re right,” I stated flatly. “For your sake.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means that they don’t stand strong without you. Do you have any idea how much Madoc looks to you for direction? How much Jax relies on you? They’re your responsibility whether you like it or not, and you better take care of them, because they won’t ask you for help.” I lowered my face to his, nose to nose and whispered. “Got it?
It sounded like a threat, and it was supposed to. But he smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”
It pissed me off that Jared didn’t take the lead Madoc and his brother obviously gave him. He watched out for them somewhat but mostly brushed them off, saying that they could take care of themselves. They needed him more than he realized.
And K.C. had issues. I knew what they were, which is why I cut her slack for her behavior. But I also knew that someone like Jax would be good for her. I had my doubts about whether she’d be good for him, but I figured one date wouldn’t hurt.
And Madoc wasn’t okay. He was visibly uncomfortable with anything heartfelt, and he seemed entirely too content with his endless stream of one night stands. I could count on one hand the number of genuine moments I’d had with Madoc. I loved him. But I still felt like I didn’t know him.
“I need a bottle of water. Do you think Madoc would mind if I raided his fridge?” I climbed off Jared and started getting dressed in one of Jared’s t-shirts and his pajama pants.
“I’ll go.” He started to get up.
“No, it’s fine.” I put my hand out to stop him. “I’d like to get a look at this place anyway. Be right back.”
Tate
“Just be warned,” Jared pointed out. “Madoc might be roaming. I don’t think he sleeps a lot. At night, anyway.”
Um, okay.
I slipped out the door and padded down the thickly carpeted hallway, stopping dead in my tracks when I looked up and saw just how long the hallway actually was.
Toffee colored walls were lit up with evenly spaced brown wall sconces, and paintings with gilded frames adorned the spaces between where pieces of furniture sat.
Yeah, furniture in the hallway. That’s how wide it was.
On bare feet, I treaded softly. I had no idea if anyone other than Madoc was home, and I didn’t want to have to explain myself.
I stopped when I came to a break in the hallway. There was the option to either keep going toward what looked like more bedrooms or take a right down a flight of stairs to a tiled foyer.
I was about to head down the stairs when I heard music and stopped.
Crap. I curled my toes.
I didn’t want to run into Madoc. Not dressed like this.
But as I twisted my ear to the sound, I knew it was someone playing the piano, and it was coming from downstairs. It could be a recording, I guessed. It was beautiful, and I didn’t know instruments or composers, but it was slow and very soft, almost like a whisper.
Like it was buried somewhere.
Heading down, one slow step at a time, I made another right into another hallway and found myself in the kitchen.
The music was louder now, and I swear I could feel its vibrations under my toes.
Ignoring the refrigerator, I walked around the spacious kitchen with a center island big enough for five of me and saw the door leading to the basement. I knew it was the basement because that’s where the music was coming from.
Cracking the door open, the tinkling notes flooded through, and my heart instantly started pounding with the soft play of the keys that had suddenly picked up pace.
I don’t why I decided to pry, but I was curious if it was Madoc. As far as I knew he didn’t play, but there wasn’t much I did know about him, so I decided to be nosy.
Descending the stairs on light feet, I got about halfway when Madoc came into view. Sure enough, it was him. The ‘Fallen’ tattoo blazed across his upper back, and his blond hair—what I could see—was still styled to perfection.
I almost wanted to laugh. He actually played the piano. I shook my head, wondering why the hell he didn’t talk about this. He was fantastic.
He wore black and white pinstripe pajama pants, and his head was bowed to the keys, moving side to side with the music. Lost and completely real, Madoc caressed the keys gently and slowly, taking his time as if each note he played had a purpose and a soul.
When the rhythm picked up, his body tensed, his muscles flexed, and his hands moved with precision. When the tempo slowed, he looked as gentle as if he were touching a woman.
I leaned against the wall, watching him and wondering.
I wondered why the piano was in the basement, and I wondered why he hid this.
Looking around, I saw everything you’d expect to see in a finished basement. It was decorated almost as posh as the upstairs, except for a completely out of place looking skate ramp between the wall and piano. As far as I knew, Madoc didn’t skate, either.
Finishing up the piece, Madoc’s fingers stayed on the keys, frozen as the last note disintegrated into the air.
I started to back my way up the stairs but stopped when he took the sheet music from the rack and almost methodically tore it in half and then put the two pieces together, tearing them in half as well. I narrowed my eyes, watching as he tossed the now ruined music into the trash and then closed the lid to the piano keys.
I turned and crept back up the stairs, sneaking through the door and heading for the refrigerator.
Jared probably didn’t know that Madoc played. I can’t see Madoc sharing something like that, and I wasn’t sure if I would tell Jared. He probably wouldn’t care, and Madoc obviously didn’t want people to know.
The fridge was jam packed with Madoc’s Gatorades and meat. Lots of meat. I found the Evian bottles in the door and quickly took one out, my hands still shaking.
I felt bad for spying on him, but it was too damn interesting. I wanted to know what else he was hiding.
“Need a midnight snack?”
I swung around to find Madoc resting on his forearms and leaning over the island.
I gripped the water bottle to my chest, probably looking guilty.
He smirked and waggled his eyebrows. “I can get you a midnight snack.”
Of course. This was the Madoc I knew.
“I’m not hungry,” I grumbled. “Do you mind?” I held up the water bottle, asking permission.
He waved me off. “What’s mine is yours.”
I closed the refrigerator door and squeezed the bottle, hearing it crack under my fingers.
“Thank you for our room. It was really nice of you,” I offered. And that was true. Madoc was a good guy. He took care of his friends. “No problem.” He nodded. “Just promise me one thing. If Jared ever gets kidnapped by aliens or turned into a zombie, you’re mine, right?”
I smiled, loving how he always worked in his harmless little flirts.
“You got it,” I promised.
Turning to head back up the stairs, I stopped and looked back at him, studying his handsome face.
His half smile told people that he was fine, and his quiet eyes never gave anything away, but I felt like Madoc always had something clawing to get out.
Something like what I saw downstairs.
“I heard piano music,” I said quietly. “You like classical?”
He pushed off the counter, laughing and locking his hands behind his head. “It’s not my style. You know that.”
I don’t why I didn’t tell him that I saw him, but I guess I just wanted to see if he’d lie or be honest for once.
I took a deep breath and braced myself.
“And the skate ramp?” I ventured, knowing that I had indeed just outed myself for spying on him. “Do you not skate either?”
His arms dropped to his side, and his back straightened. The amusement in his flat eyes was gone.
Now he knew that I saw him playing the piano, and it was clearly something he didn’t want people to see.
Rubbing his hands together slowly, he stared at the granite island. “The skate ramp’s not mine, Tate,” he said softly and looked up at me. “It’s just trash.”
Walking back over to the basement door, he didn’t even turn around to look at me. “See you tomorrow, okay?” And then he disappeared back into the basement.
Right then I knew I was right about one thing.
Madoc was not fine.
Jared and Tate originally didn’t go to Homecoming together…
My heels came off as soon as I stepped inside. The deep ache in my toes from being cramped into a too-tight space welcomed the cool hardwood floor. After locking the door and double checking the back door, I headed up to my room and switched on the heat on my way.
Throwing my heels into a corner to be forgotten about until the end of time, I stood in front of my floor-length mirror to take another look at my dress before taking it off. Unzipping the back until it came down to the top of my rear, I caught sight of movement in the reflection of Jared’s bedroom window coming through the mirror.
Shit!
I hadn’t noticed that his light was on. I paused, holding the dress up with one arm under my breasts and another hand at the zipper. My gut told me to get my ass into the bathroom, but something held me back. He stood, paused like me, at his window.
He still wore the black pants from earlier, but he had changed into a clean white t-shirt. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, so I don’t think he noticed me noticing him. What the hell was I doing? Either zip up or clear out, I told myself.
‘You need to use the hammer’…Madoc’s words came back to haunt me. Jared’s game of tug of war had to stop. We’d move left and then right, but we really never got anywhere. Did he punch Madoc because he was jealous? Did he kiss me…twice, because he wanted me? Was I standing here almost naked, because I wanted him, too? The answer to all three was a ‘yes’.
I wanted him to come to me. I wanted him. Unravel him, I told myself.
I bowed my head, so my hair fell over my chest on either side, and I let the dress slide down my body slowly. The pounding in my chest hurt, but the blaze I felt on my skin was delicious. I stepped out of the dress and shoved it aside, and looked at myself, seeing what he saw.
My black, lacy boy shorts hugged my toned skin, and the rest of my body was bare to his eyes. Thanks to running and a summer of outdoor traveling, my skin still held some tan. I brought my fingers up and started threading them through my hair.
I couldn’t make out Jared’s expression, but he was still frozen in place and intensity rippled off his body like a shockwave. I’d never been naked, or almost naked, in front of a man before, other than the time Jared ambushed me in the ladies’ locker room. His dark eyes on me did powerful things to my body. The pulsing happening between my legs made me weak and turned my breath ragged. Before my knees gave out, I turned on the ball of my foot and sauntered into the bathroom as calmly and evenly as I could manage.
Letting out a long breath, I leaned my weight against the back of the bathroom door and fell to the floor. What was I doing? I was no match for him. I wasn’t cut out for this! The thought of him, the sight of him, kept drawing me in like a moth to a flame. My head bowed to my knees and I pushed air in and out of my lungs slowly.
I stayed like that for a while, and my breathing took several minutes to return to normal. Getting up, I grabbed a towel from the rack on the wall and wrapped it around my body before coming to stand in front of the mirror.
Assessing the red blush covering my skin, I decided to not do any more undressing in front of my window again. Ever.
Picking my toothbrush out of the holder, I got busy brushing, flossing, and rinsing before washing my face. Realizing I left my pajamas on my bed, I walked back into my room in my towel and nearly screamed when I saw Jared sitting in my chair next to the French doors. He rested one black boot over his knee as he leaned back. His pose was casual, but his stare was formidable.
Straightening my shoulders and swallowing, I fixed him with a forced annoyed look. “How did you get in here?”
“I have a key, remember?” Both of his arms rested on the arm rests, while his long fingers dangled off the edges. He looked strong, confident and bad for women.
I showed him my back as I turned around to grab some fresh underwear out of my drawer. The mirror that hung above the dresser offered me a perfect view of him. “You weren’t invited,” I stated calmly, even though my heartbeat was racing again.
“Yes, I was.” Chills covered my body at his stealthy and all-too-true comeback.
“So…now that you’re here, what are you going to do?” A slight grin adorned my face before I reached for the thin, white robe hanging on the hook on my bedroom door.
Watching him watching me, I pulled the towel off my body before slipping my arms into the robe. His breath hitched at the sight of my naked back. Nothing else was visible to him as I still wore my boy shorts, and the height of the dresser covered my breasts from his view through the mirror.
“What are you doing to me, Tate?” he whispered, his eyes zoning in on me like a warning.
Pretending to be interested in something on my dresser top, I replied innocently. “I can’t do anything to you, Jared. We’re not friends, remember? We never were. I mean nothing to you. Right?”
Jared suddenly stood up, causing my muscles to lock up, and crossed the room to come up behind me. I could feel his chest at my back and his pants grazing my behind. Both of his hands grasped the edge of the dresser on either side of me, locking me in. Déjà vu struck me as I recalled the last time I was in this position with him at Tori’s party a year ago. However, this time I wasn’t looking for an escape. His mouth brushed against my hair, and I closed my eyes momentarily indulging in his closeness.
“No, we’re not friends.” He spoke, and I opened my eyes to meet his deep brown ones in the mirror. “You thought we were best buds, or…some shit.” He smirked, but the amusement didn’t reach his eyes. “For me, it was like there wasn’t anything else but you. Even at ten, I knew you were it for me.” His eyebrows pinched together, and he looked sad. “And by the time I was fourteen, you were the only girl in my dreams. I couldn’t be your friend, Tate. I always wanted more.” Looking straight at me, he added, “I still do.”
“Jared…” My brain was trying to process what he had said, and while I had so many questions, it filled me with joy to hear him say all of those things.
Jared released one hand and dug his phone out of his pocket. Scrolling a couple of screens, he held up a photo of Madoc and me at the dance tonight. It was the one of us standing in front of the cab with his arm around my shoulder.
“He texted me pictures of the two of you tonight. He has his arm around you. Do you know what my first thought was?” His eyes left the picture and questioned me. “How badly I wanted to hurt him. He’s my best friend. He’d lie down in front of a car for me, and I had to talk myself out of hurting him. Or rather talk myself out of hurting him again.”
“Why would he text you pictures?” Was Madoc trying to make Jared jealous?
“Because he’s fucking with my head, that’s why.” Jared’s scowl erupted on me. “I thought the same thing about Ben, and every other guy who showed you attention over the years. I wanted to rip their hands off when they touched you.” His breathing got deeper as he tried to calm himself. Looking up, his eyes appeared hard and decisive. “That’s how I know I’m no good for you.”
I turned around and cocked my head to the side to look up at him. My fingers itched to touch him. His hair fell on his forehead, and I wanted to thread my fingers through it before taking him in my arms. The heat of his breath caressed my face. “What do you want from me, Jared?” I wanted to know, because I was confused as hell right now. If he’d just stop holding back, maybe we had a chance of putting the pieces back together.
We were like magnets, unable to break contact as he inched closer and our lips found each other. He grasped both sides of my face, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. Jared’s lips covered mine and his tongue moved inside my mouth overwhelming me with its heat. The fire surging up my chest and neck increased my need for more, and so I inched up on my tiptoes pushing my body into his.
Jared instantly pulled back, and holding my face in his hands, stared down at me with the same uncontrollable need as me. As I tried to inch back in and capture his mouth with mine, Jared pulled me to him again bringing his lips down on mine. He lifted me from the back of my thighs, and I wrapped my legs around his body as he carried us to my bed. Sitting at the foot, I straddled him and encircled his neck with my arms. We were lost. His soft, hot mouth trailed down my neck as his hands went to my ass, and I closed my eyes determined to just let go.
To just enjoy the feel of him.
I could feel him through his pants, and I found myself moving against him, needing more. He brought his hand up to my robe and pulled it off the shoulder as his kisses left my neck and moved downward.
A mild alarm shot through me as I realized I was too close to the point of no return. We wanted each other. And although we needed to get to know each other again, every one of my instincts told me that I was made for this boy. But I needed more answers before we could go farther.
“I need you, Jared,” I gasped out. “I’ve needed you so much over the years. Why did you leave me?” I choked out every word as Jared’s attention had me breathing hard.
He paused and breathed into my chest. “I was lost.” He stated plainly and searched my eyes for understanding.
I held his face between my palms. “Tell me what happened.”
He tried to look down, but I brought his face back up to look at me. “No. I’m never going there again. I’m sorry, Tate.” His lips pressed into a hard line.
Tears stung my eyes and threatened to fall. Didn’t he realize that I needed to know him? “You don’t trust me.” Climbing off him, I fixed my robe and stood up to face him. “When have I ever hurt you?” I demanded.
“Tate…” He uttered his warning through clenched teeth.
“Don’t you want this with me? I’m standing here, nearly naked, telling you that I love…”
“Stop!” Jared shouted, his deep growl cutting off my words. “Just leave it alone.” He stood and walked to stand next to the chair, looking out the windows.
Running his hands through his hair, he sighed. “This is what I meant, Tate. There are some things I’m not going to talk about. Some things I don’t want to be reminded of.” Jared’s head remained level, but his eyes looked down on me.
“There are things I need to know,” I said, walking toward him. My body hummed with the memory of his hands on me, and I tried to ignore the urge to forget my need for information and wrap myself around him again.
“I know.” He nodded, looking solemnly at the floor. “Which is why this won’t work between us.”
Jax and K.C. in high school…
Jax: *ahem
K.C. What do you want?
Jax: Popcorn
K.C.: More? I just gave you a bucket.
Jax: It spilled.
K.C.: So where’s the bucket then?
Jax: In the trash.
K.C.: But you get a free refill on the large if you bring back the bucket.
Jax: It dropped on the dirty floor, K.C. I’m not eating from it again.
K.C.: Alright, but we inventory the containers. I can’t give you another one for free.
Jax: I’ll live. Can I have my popcorn now?
K.C.: *starts shoveling popcorn
Jax: …
K.C.: I think you just keep coming back out here to annoy me.
Jax: Damn kids. We sure can be annoying.
K.C.: You’re not a kid.
Jax: No, I’m not. And you better remember that.
K.C.: *looks away * butters popcorn
Jax: …
K.C.: You don’t have to watch me, Jax. I’m not going to spit in it.
Jax: Well, that would be one way to get you in my mouth.
K.C.: *gasp
Jax: *looks over counter* *smirks* You dropped my popcorn. I’m not eating out of that.
***
Jared and Jax at Jared’s bedroom window in high school. Tate and K.C./Juliet having a sleepover at Tate’s…
Jax: Do those girls know we can see through those sheer black curtains?
Jared: Believe me, Tate is always aware of what she’s doing to me.
Jax: *laughs
Jared: It’s not funny. On nights when her dad is keeping her on an extra-short leash, she uses that damn window to her advantage and fucks with me.
Jax: Nice.
Jared: Whatever. I’m going to get a shower. Close the blinds and stop looking at my girl in her nightie. *leaves room
Jax: *climbs out window *through tree *opens French doors
Tate: Jax! Get out!
Jax: Jared needs help washing his back. He asked for you.
Tate: *snort* Likely story.
Jax: I’ll babysit K.C.
K.C.: I’m older than you, dork.
Jax: And yet, I venture to guess I’m years beyond you in more ways than one.
K.C.: *arches brow
Jax: Tate, go give your boyfriend a kiss goodnight.
Tate: *looks to K.C.* Will you be okay?
K.C.: Please. I have heels scarier than him.
Jax: *smirks
Tate: *climbs outdoors, through tree
Jax: So, is that what you sleep in?
K.C.: *crosses arms *glares
Jax: It’s cute. It’s kind of pink, but it’s cute.
K.C.: At least, my clothes are clean. Your jeans have grease stains everywhere.
Jax: It’s not how clean they are. It’s what’s inside that matters.
K.C.: Why do you always do that?
Jax: What?
K.C.: Make everything sexual. Do you actually have a personality in there somewhere? Something else to offer a girl besides dumb jokes?
Jax: *narrows eyes* Like you’d even care to find out.
K.C.: Maybe if you stopped looking at me like I was a piece of meat.
Jax: Maybe if you stopped looking down at me like you knew I was wearing Jared’s second-hand clothes.
K.C.: I don’t look at you that way.
Jax: Then why are you so fucking mean?
K.C.: I…I don’t mean…*sighs
Jax: *approaches K.C. *backs her into the wall *hovers
K.C.: *looks up at him
Jax: Because there’s nothing scarier to you than me, right? Not even your heels?
***
Jax and K.C. in class…
K.C.: The conditions brought on by the revolution happening at the time…
Jax: Les Mis does not take place during the French Revolution. It’s about the legacy of the revolution and a small Parisian insurrection 40 years later. Did you actually read the book?
K.C.: *grits teeth* Why is he even in this class, Miss Penley? He’s still a junior.
Jax: Why are you in this class? The texts are clearly too challenging.
K.C.: Are you still talking?
Penley: Okay, stop it. Both of you. Jax, stop interrupting her.
Jax:
K.C.:
Penley:
K.C.: Yeah, I forgot what I was saying, so…
Jax: *smirking
K.C.: Stop smiling.
Jax: I’m not.
K.C.: I can feel it.
Jax: Can you? How do I feel?
Class: *laughing
K.C.: Jerk.
Jax: *leans forward, whispers in her ear* Would you like to really find out?
***
Jared and Tate in his car, making out in front of their houses…
Jared: Sometimes I wish we were still 12.
Tate: Why?
Jared: I could sleep in your room at night without getting my ass kicked.
Tate: Aw…*leans in, kisses his neck* But there are perks that come with maturity. You might not get to sleep over anymore, but we do make up for it with so many more fun things.
Jared: *snort* That’s not all I care about, you know?
Tate: *arches brow
Jared: Hey, I like getting you naked, but I don’t need that every day.
Tate: *cocks head, stares
Jared: You trying to piss me off?! *tickles Tate
Tate: *laughing* STOP! You’re so impatient. We have a room at Madoc’s. We get plenty of quality time.
Jared: It’s not about quality time, sex, or conversations….it’s just about having you close.
Tate: …
Jared: I don’t know. I kind of miss you at night, I guess.
Tate: …
Jared: *leans head back, sighs* Geezus, I suck.
Tate: No, you don’t.
Jared: *laughs* You have plans and an ambition. *looks at Tate* And I have you. I hold on to you too tightly.
Tate: *leans forehead into his* And don’t ever let me go.
Jared: Never.
Pounding on window….
Tate: Dad!
Mr. Brandt: *opens door* Tate, you’ve been out here for half an hour. More than enough time to say goodnight.
Tate: *climbs off Jared, scurries out door
Mr. Brandt: Jared, weekday curfew is 10 o’clock. Remember?
Jared: *climbs out of car* Mr. Brandt, we were right here. She was safe with me.
Mr. Brandt: *arches brow
Jared: *sighs* You’re right. I’m sorry I kept her out late.
Mr. Brandt: I trust you. And I trust my daughter.
Jared: Yes, sir.
Mr. Brandt: I have no doubt that you two love each other very much.
Tate: *blushes, looks away
Jared: *groans
Mr. Brandt: But I’m not stupid. I’m sure you two find time to do whatever it is you do together.
Jared: *closes eyes, seething
Tate: *covering face with hands
Mr. Brandt: I remind both of you that with today’s medical advances, there is absolutely no reason for a woman to find herself accidentally pregnant. You got that? Safety first.
Tate: Dad!!!!
Jared: *breathing hard
Mr. Brandt: I know I won’t have any reason to be angry for trusting you, right?
Jared: *glares
Mr. Brandt: I love you, Jared. I think of you as a son.
Jared: *glares
Mr. Brandt: But sometimes I feel a small urge to eat ice cream out of your skull.
Jared: *eyes widen* Yes, sir. Safety first.
Mr. Brandt: Good man.
Bonus Scenes
Jared and Tate Anniversary Scene
Jared held my hand, pulling me briskly down the sidewalk toward the ticket window. I pried my fingers out of his, nearly laughing at his urgency. What had gotten into him?
He’d been quiet since picking me up tonight, and every time I looked at him, it was like he was lost in thought.
And loving everything he was thinking.
He stopped at the window, narrowing his eyes up at the marquee. “Uh, two for…um…” He licked his lips, looking confused. “Cinderella, I guess.”
“Jared!” I burst out, trying not to laugh.
He looked at me, blinking, and then shook his head as if coming to his senses. “Shit! No.” He looked back to the cashier. “No, I mean Furious 7.”
My chest shook with laughter, and I watched him rub the back of his neck, looking nervous.
“Babe, what’s gotten into you?” I asked. “You seem almost excited, and you’re not a big fan of movies, so what’s up?”
“I like movies,” he retorted, leading me toward the doors.
“Jared,” I scolded as he opened the theater door for me, and I walked in. “You barely have the attention span to get through the trailers before you’re itching to move around.”
“I’m fine.” He followed behind, and I felt his hand on my behind before he leaned into my ear, whispering, “You’re just killing me in that skirt, is all.”
“Well, I didn’t have to wear it,” I pointed out. “It’s chilly, after all.”
He’d asked me to wear my pleated, black miniskirt, but he hadn’t just asked. No, he’d done the whole lean-into-me-bite-my-bottom-lip-and-make-my-clit-throb-like-it-was-on-its-own-damn-rollercoaster thing. And I’d melted. As usual.
He slipped an arm around my waist as we walked toward the concession stand. “And yet you gave into my special request,” he mused.
“It’s our anniversary,” I stated.
He leaned in, whispering, “And you’d do anything for me today, right?”
I smiled to myself, wondering why he was acting so playful. That wasn’t usually Jared’s style.
I crossed my arms over my chest and stopped, turning to stand in front of him. “You asked me to promise, and I did,” I maintained. “My present to you is that I am in your hands today,” I repeated his request, but then added, “As long as it’s not a threesome. With another woman, I mean. It can be another guy. You, me, and another guy,” I clarified, “but not another woman.”
His eyebrow shot up, and I glued my teeth together to keep from laughing.
I didn’t think it would make Jared as uncomfortable seeing another man touch me as it would for him to be naked in front of another guy. I had a hard time not busting up at the image of his disgusted face and a big, fat “Hell no!” before he’d grab me and leave the room.
I barely had time to recover from the amusement of teasing him before he grabbed my hand and pulled me past the concession stands.
“Wait,” I cried out. “I want snacks!”
But he wasn’t listening. He walked quickly across the lobby and straight into the mens’ bathroom, carrying me in tow.
“Jared!” I whisper-yelled. “I can’t be in here.”
He dove into one of the stalls, swinging me in behind him and slamming the door shut, locking it.
I breathed hard, feeling the skin on my chest heat up, and not sure if it was from the near jog we’d just done or the fear of being caught.
What the hell was he doing?
I sucked in a ragged breath. “Jare—”
But he cut me off, bringing a hand down over my mouth and pinning me up against the wall of the stall.
I stared at him wide-eyed, remembering a time not so long ago he had me pinned up against some lockers.
Only this time I didn’t feel threatened.
His rich, woodsy scent fell over me, and I looked up at him looking down on me, a hint of a smile on his face.
He removed his hand, taking a finger and placing it over his lips, signaling me to be quiet.
“Trust me,” he whispered.
And I stilled, suddenly feeling his hands slide under my skirt and his fingers hook my panties, pulling them down.
“Jar—”
But he brought his lips down on mine, shutting me up.
“Relax,” he breathed against my lips. “It’s not what you think. I got you a present.”
A present? What the…?
He’d already given me a pair of earrings, making me feel guilty for promising not to give him something, but he got me something else? Something that required me to take off my underwear?
He knelt down on one knee and slid my panties down my legs and waited for me to step out of them.
He stuffed them into his jacket pocket, and then reached into his other pocket and pulled out a small box. I dropped my head, narrowing my eyes in curiosity as he opened it up and plucked out what appeared to be another set of panties. These were black and smaller, and I wondered what the hell was going on.
The other pair I had on were red and lacy. Very sexy. Why remove them to replace them with another pair and here of all places?
He didn’t look at me. Only held them up and let me step into them, one Chuck-clad foot after another. My skin tingled as the fabric snaked up my thighs, and Jared stood to raise them higher.
He darted out his thumb, brushing it against the sensitive skin between my legs, before pulling the panties up all the way.
I relaxed, brushing my skirt down to make sure the hem hadn’t gotten caught anywhere.
It was a thong, and I felt the wedge of the material between my skin. They weren’t particularly comfortable, and it seemed like something was different. More weight, maybe?
“Jared,” I whispered as low as possible, hearing another stall door open and close. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry.” He grinned. “I’m not into public sex. Well, not this public anyway,” he added. “Let’s go see a movie.”
What?
He pulled me out the door, and I forgot everything as we dashed out of the mens’ restroom, my only concern in not being seen.
He gripped my hand, and I practically had to jog to keep up.
“But why did you change my—”
“You promised,” he reminded me as if cutting off my argument.
Yes, I promised! But what the hell was going on?!
And that’s when I noticed something.
I narrowed my eyes, gluing my thighs together and rubbing slightly.
“Jared, I feel something.”
He pulled me into him, pinning our bodies together. “You’re damn right you do,” he teased, referring to the growing appendage in his jeans.
Yeah, that’s not what I meant.
“Jared,” I growled through my teeth.
“Let’s get snacks,” he chirped. “You want butter on the popcorn?”
I arched an eyebrow, but he only smirked and turned to the cashier.
“Large popcorn with butter and a large Cherry Coke,” he ordered for us and then turned to me. “Why don’t you get some napkins and straws?”
I shot him a look, telling him where he could stick his damn straws, but he just shook his head, laughing quietly.
“I love you.” His voice was thick with amusement. “But you promised.”
I rolled my eyes, not sure what he had planned, but I knew he was having fun.
So be it.
Turning around, I headed for the condiment stand and gathered some straws and napkins.
“Tate, is that you?”
I turned around, seeing Ben Jamison come up next to me, carrying a soda.
I smiled, surprised at seeing him after more than a year since high school.
“Hey, Ben. It’s been a long time,” I commented, taking in his new look. “How are you?”
“I’m good.” He nodded lazily, grabbing a straw. “You?”
“Good.”
He’d kept the same style over time, preppy and clean-cut, but his hair was more manicured and his clothes fit him better. He’d grown up and filled out, looking a lot like Madoc, actually.
“I thought you went to UMass,” I inquired. “What are you doing home?”
“Sister’s wedding.” He winced, and I almost laughed. “And you’re in Chicago, right?” he asked.
I nodded, opening my mouth to answer, but then I halted, stopping dead in my tracks.
My skin started tingling and vibrating from whatever was in the underwear Jared had put on me.
My eyes rounded as the skin of my clit began pulsing and swirls of pleasure swarmed in my stomach at whatever was throbbing inside the underwear.
“Tate?”
I looked up, seeing Ben staring at me.
I gritted my teeth together, letting my eyes slowly drift over to Jared who was shooting me a cocky-ass grin as he paid for the food.
Son of a bitch.
There was a fucking vibrator in the panties.
And he had the remote.
I blinked, inhaling a breath. “Yeah.” I looked at Ben. “Yeah, Jared and I share an apartment in Chicago, but we come home pretty often on the weekends.”
“Cool.”
I licked my lips, my breath suddenly quickening. “Have you seen any—” The pulsing grew more rapid, and I jerked forward slightly, stopping a groan from escaping, “Ah, anyone since you’ve been….uh…back?” I asked, blinking long and hard.
But Ben pinched his eyebrows together. “Are you okay?”
“Mmm hmm,” I nodded, and I could feel the blush of embarrassment covering my face.
Fucking Jared.
“I have to go,” I shot out, quickly grabbing more napkins I didn’t need. “See you later,” I called over my shoulder.
“Yeah,” he answered, sounding confused. “See you later.”
I met Jared as he turned around, food in hand.
“Turn it off,” I ordered, the vibrator already making me wet.
“What?” He feigned ignorance.
“You got panties with a vibrator?” I grabbed the soda from him and led us into the theater, letting him hand off our tickets. “Are you serious?!” I asked.
“Are you having fun?” he shot back, his eyes raking up and down my body as we walked to our seats.
“I’m taking them off.”
He sat down, letting out a pleased sigh. “And then you’ll be commando in a miniskirt,” he pointed out. “Even better.”
I glared at him and planted my ass in the chair, the vibrating between my legs getting very annoying.
I quickly reached up my skirt, hooked the panties with my finger, and pulled them away from my skin, resting them more against my thigh.
I heard his snort.
“Adjust it all you want.” His tone dripped with cockiness. “You’ll still feel it.”
“Why do you want to do this?” I asked, sounding more like pleading.
His face evened out, turning serious as he looked ahead at the first trailer playing.
“Because I want to watch you,” he said matter-of-factly.
Watch me?
And then it dawned.
He wanted to watch me. Watch me orgasm.
I leaned in, whispering, “But why couldn’t we have done this at home?” I asked.
“Because you never want to do it.” He turned his head, meeting my eyes again.
I pinched my eyebrows together. “Do what?”
“Touch yourself for me.”
My eyes fell, and I slowly leaned back in my chair, remembering the times he’d asked me to do that.
Yeah, he’d asked me. But I guess I never noticed how much he wanted it. Why did he want to see me do that so much?
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to do it for him. I was just embarrassed. It takes a long time, and I really didn’t like the idea of someone staring at me while I masturbated.
I had no reason not to be comfortable around him, but I still felt silly about it.
“I will,” I assured him thoughtfully, peering over and seeing the lights from the screen dance across his eyes. “Eventually.”
I let my eyes drift close, feeling the vibrations becoming harder to ignore. They weren’t on my clit anymore, but my body still heated.
I licked my dry lips, looking over at him. “Why do you want to watch me do that, anyway?”
He rested his head against the headrest and turned to meet my eyes. “When you come, Tate,” he whispered, “it’s like the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
His brown eyes were so loving and intense, I wanted to give him what he wanted. I wanted to please him, but I didn’t really like the idea of doing things in public. Not after the video in high school.
But I knew that, with Jared, this was for him. It had nothing to do with other people, and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. Not like that.
His sexy eyes fell down my body as he spoke, “The vibrations are making the skin on your thigh tingle right now,” he whispered, leaning in, “but sooner or later, whether you like it or not, the pulsing will sink deeper, down to the bone.” His hand reached out to graze my inner thigh.
The muscles in my leg tensed.
“Then it’ll travel upward,” he caressed my skin higher and higher, “like someone is massaging you with a feather from the inside.”
I could feel butterflies between my legs, and the tornado low in my belly begin to spin.
“A blush will spread across your face,” he taunted, “and your skin will glow from the heat.”
I let my head fall back, squirming my ass lower to get the vibrator back in place again as I closed my eyes.
“That all happens when I’m inside you. Now I want to watch it as it happens to you,” he said in a husky voice.
“Your breathing will start to change, getting shallower, and your eyes will close,” he teased, “because your body likes what it feels and it’s taking over, Tate.”
Yes.
The pulse between my legs throbbed harder and harder, and I hated that he was doing this.
I wanted him now. Not the damn vibrator.
“You’ll try to suppress a moan coming up your throat from your stomach,” he predicted, “and all of a sudden you’ll be so wet. You’ll let your body fall back, and your back will arch, and you’ll want more.” He gripped the inside of my thigh, his breath falling across my face.
“You’re ready to beg for it, because you have no control.” He darted out and caught my lobe between his teeth. “And then you’ll hold your breath, like you always do as you’re about to come,” he taunted. “I fucking know how your body works by now.”
And then I did it. I arched my back, and I sucked in air, because I needed his hands all over me. I was ready to beg for it.
“I’ll bet you’re so wet,” he whispered. “I want to watch you come.”
And he pulled out the remote, turning up the volume.
I gasped, feeling the pulsing turn wild.
Shit.
People came to sit down in front of us, and I looked at Jared, fear making my heart beat faster.
“Not here,” I begged, glancing around me nervously.
The theater wasn’t packed, and there was no one in our row or behind us, but there were people around.
“Jared, please,” I breathed, my orgasm building and the need driving me insane.
I wanted to be straddling him, my forehead glued to his, as I grinded myself home.
Fuck!
“Oh, God,” I whimpered, biting my bottom lip to stifle the cry.
But Jared took me over.
He grabbed me under the arms and hauled me over to his lap, reverse cowgirl, both of us facing the screen.
“Tate,” he breathed out, nibbling my neck. “Don’t be shy with me.”
His hand slipped under my loose, white blouse, snaking under my bra to cup my breasts.
“Fucking come, baby,” he growled low in my ear. “I want to hear your breaths and feel every shake.”
I leaned in, burying my face in his neck as I inhaled short, fast breaths as he wrapped his arms around my waist like a steel band and held me tight.
I ground my ass against him, riding the vibrator harder and harder. The friction of his jeans on my skin would leave a burn, no doubt, but it felt fucking awesome.
“Jared,” I gasped. “Jared, I love you.”
And then I stopped breathing, feeling the orgasm crest, and I held my breath as I ground and jerked against him, riding it out and burying my cry in his neck.
My body shook and my chest rose and fell finally, taking in air as the pleasure spread down my thighs and up through my chest.
Oh, God.
The moans and cries I normally let out spread throughout my body instead, having no other place to escape, and my whole body spasmed with it.
“Jesus Christ,” he cursed in my ear, holding me as the orgasm shook through my body. “I love you, Tate.
I dropped my head back against his shoulder, exhausted and spent.
I twisted my head, taking his lips in mine for who knows how long. The trailers played out, and the movie started, and I just kissed him, feeling like there would never be anything more that I’d want from life.
This is all I’d ever wanted to do. Just love Jared Trent.
I finally pulled back, gasping for breath, and smiled.
“That was fun,” I said, sounding happy. “When do I get to watch you?”
***
Madoc and Fallon – The Morning After the First Time
Grabbing the sheet at the back of my waist, I pull it over our heads, seeing the soft light of the moon slowly fade from her face as I look down at her. She’s so beautiful.
“What are you doing?” she asks, worry thick in her shaky voice.
“Making it so you only see me.”
Before she has a chance to talk, I melt my body into hers and cover her lips with mine. She groans and tightens her thighs around my waist, and I breathe her in, taking in her scent and taste. We’re still in our jeans, but I don’t care how far this goes as long as she doesn’t pull the plug on what’s happening right now. Even if this is as far as it goes tonight.
It’s crazy, and I can’t believe this is happening, but what’s more? I can’t believe it feels this good. Fallon’s looking at me differently, and I like it.
She kept glancing around, her worried eyes and shallow breaths probably filled with a thousand different voices telling her that what we were doing was wrong, but it wasn’t. It didn’t feel wrong. So that’s when I pulled the sheet over us.
We aren’t in her bedroom. My room is not across the hall. Our fucking parents’ bedroom isn’t six doors down, and we’re just getting to know each other for the first time. Without their bullshit. Her and me. Fallon and Madoc. No one else.
I touch my forehead to hers and hold her face, running my thumb over her lip ring.
Her chest rises and falls hard. “Madoc,” she gasps. “I—”
“Shhh.” I lift my head up and support myself on one arm. “Look at me, okay?”
Her troubled eyes hold mine, and her hands grasp my waist.
“This feels right, doesn’t it?” I ask, trying to calm her as I run the back of my fingers up her bare stomach. “This is okay?”
Her body shakes under my hand, and I reach down and slide my palm under her ass, holding her tight. “Don’t stop this,” I whisper, bringing my forehead back down to hers. “You started it. Please don’t stop now.”
“I…” She swallows. “Madoc, I…I’m scared.”
I smile to myself. “So am I,” I admit. “But I don’t want to be anywhere else right now.”
I plant both arms on the pillow above her head and sink my lips into hers, holding her body close and feeling every inch of her heat. Her lips move with mine, kissing me back, and while I know that we have so much to be scared of, I don’t care. This is what I want. For the first time, it feels right.
“I don’t want to be anywhere else, Fallon,” I tell her again, lightly grinding between her legs.
She moans, her eyes fluttering closed. “Me neither,” she whispers.
***
I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked to the bathroom mirror, wiping away the steam. Nerves knotted in my stomach, and I tried to ignore the sound of doors opening and closing in the house.
Our parents were up.
I’d left Fallon last night after she’d fallen asleep, and I felt like shit now. I didn’t know if I was supposed to stay, and I didn’t want her waking up alone after what we’d done last night, but I was afraid to fall asleep in case Addie walked in.
So I came back to my room and laid awake all night when I really just wanted to go back to her bed.
But I couldn’t.
We couldn’t ever do that again. Our parents would never allow it, and just because she tolerated me last night didn’t mean she’d turned soft on me.
And we’d done it without a fucking condom, too. We might’ve been virgins, but we weren’t stupid. What were we thinking?
I popped a couple Advil for my cheap beer-induced headache and walked back into my room, throwing on some fresh clothes. It was Friday, and we had school in an hour.
“Hey, man.”
I jerked around, seeing Jared step through the doorway and looking like he needed about twenty-four hours of solid sleep and a shower. Not in that order. He must’ve crashed here after the party last night.
He strolled toward my closet. “Can I borrow some clothes?”
“Yeah, help yourself.” I pulled on a gray V-neck t-shirt and slid my wallet in my jean’s pocket. “You feeling up to school?” I asked, seeing his shaky steps. He looked like he might still be drunk.
“Better than being home,” he mumbled, disappearing into the walk-in closet.
I fastened my watch and walked to the bathroom, gelling and spraying my hair. I was tempted to leave it without any product, because Fallon always said my head looked like a stuffed peacock. Or a duck’s ass. Or man-bangs pointing north.
My chest shook with laughter, and I shook my head. She was clearly as sweet as pie. How did I not see it?
“So what happened to you last night?” Jared called.
I clenched my teeth, my brain suddenly blank as I walked back into the bedroom, grabbing shoes and socks.
Madoc…is the door locked? Oh, God. Don’t stop.
I swallowed. “Uh, nothing. I just got tired. Went to bed. That’s all.”
I could feel his eyes on me as he plucked one of my hoodies off the hook.
But then I heard a door open, and I shot my head up, my heart dropping into my stomach, seeing Fallon emerge from her bedroom. She stopped, and I held her eyes, masked by her glasses, and I instantly tensed.
The light of day hadn’t changed anything. Nor had sobering up. I wanted her again.
She dropped her eyes, folded her arms across her chest and hurried to the bathroom, away from me.
Jesus. My forehead cooled with sweat, and it was a minute before I realized Jared was still standing there, staring at me.
Then he looked back at the hallway and back at me, suspicion written all over his eyes. “She was wearing the Bears t-shirt you were wearing last night,” he pointed out.
Fuuuuuuck!
Dammit! I’d put her in the shirt before she’d fallen asleep and didn’t even notice. Shit!
“Went to bed, huh?” he teased, slipping on the hoodie. “Okay, whatever. I’ll see you at school.”
He walked to the door, but I cleared my throat, stopping him. “We need to deal with Dietrich,” I told him, changing the subject. He turned, narrowing his eyes. “Why?”
“He was in Fallon’s space last night. Not taking no for an answer,” I explained. “And he’s sniffing around Tate, too. As much you don’t like her, I know you hate that.”
He closed his eyes, ran his hand through his hair, and let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah, well, we’re rid of Tate, Madoc. Didn’t you hear?” he taunted. “She’s off to Europe for her junior year, so in a few months, she’ll be gone.”
He said it as if it had been the goal all along, but I caught the look on his face. The one that said he was about to be a very unhappy guy. And Jared unhappy was no joke.
I watched him walk out, and I let out a sigh. “Shit.”
Grabbing my cell and my keys, I made my way downstairs, ignoring the sound of the shower as I passed by the bathroom. I should talk to her. I needed to know what was going on in her head. I wanted to know that she was alright.
But I didn’t stop. Walking into the kitchen, my heart jackhammering in my ears, I headed for the fridge and grabbed a Gatorade.
The parents sat at the breakfast nook area, my father buried behind his morning paper, and Fallon’s mom, Patricia, digging into her half a grapefruit and dressed in workout clothes. Pretty much her uniform while she was at home.
She plopped her spoon down, bringing a cup of coffee to her lips. “Well, I don’t see what phone call was so important that you had to miss nearly half of the performance last night,” she snipped at my father. “You left me sitting alone, Jason. For an hour.”
He let out an aggravated breath and folded his paper. “I’m sorry,” I heard him say as I busied myself making a bowl of cereal. “I’ll make it up to you,” he promised and then called out. “Morning, how was your party?” he asked me, probably to get Patricia to shut up.
I looked up, arching a stubborn eyebrow. My father used me to distract Patricia’s attention, so I ignored him.
I turned around, put the milk away, and heard Fallon’s mom behind me.
“They got into your liquor again,” she told my father.
I almost laughed. She spent my inheritance on fucking hand bags, and she thought my father would care about a little lost liquor?
“They were home,” he appeased, “not driving, and Addie was here. Madoc has my trust until he doesn’t anymore.”
I stood at the island, letting them go back and forth and feeling the chill between them grow colder by the day. And then needles sprang up under my skin, and I was hot.
Fallon walked into the kitchen breezing behind me, and I damn near choked, because I swallowed a mouthful of cereal without chewing it.
Son of a bitch.
Her hair still wet from the shower, and she set her backpack down on the stool at the island as she grabbed something out of the pantry.
The hair on my neck stood up, and I watched as she came out and stood at the island a few feet away from me, her eyes glued to the task of unwrapping her breakfast bar.
“Well, I don’t like all of those boys hanging around here,” Patricia snapped. “Around Fallon. It’s not safe.”
I saw Fallon blink and almost look up, but then she didn’t. Why wasn’t she looking at me? A thousand different fears ran through my head. Was she mad? Was she scared?
Or worse. Was she sorry?
I set my bowl down, stepping up next to her and needing her to look at me. Her back stiffened, but I pushed into her space, my arm brushing hers. She looked different today. She still wore the same clothes, little to no makeup, and I couldn’t figure out what it was, but she was different.
Everything was different today.
My father’s voice broke through. “Madoc won’t let any of his friends near her,” he told Patricia. “Right?”
Without even looking up, I knew he was directing the last part toward me. I looked at him, but I snuck my hand behind Fallon, brushing it over her waist. “No one gets near Fallon but me.” I smiled.
I heard her suck in a breath, and I slipped my hand under her shirt, grazing my fingers across the soft skin of her back.
My father stood up. “Well, I’ve got to hit the road,” he said throwing down his napkin.
Fallon looked up, meeting my eyes, and she looked so nervous that I just wanted to pull the sheet over us again.
“I’m going to have to crash in the city tonight,” I heard my dad say as Fallon and I stared at each other. “I have to be in meetings early tomorrow—”
“Well, what am I supposed to do?” Patricia argued, following him out of the kitchen, both of them disappearing.
Fallon shook her head. “Madoc,” she warned, but I couldn’t take it anymore.
Grabbing her hand, I pulled her to the basement door, swung us both inside, and slammed it shut.
Spinning her around, I wrapped an arm around her stomach, bringing her back into my chest, and buried my lips in her neck.
“Madoc, stop it! Our par—” And I snatched up her lips, tilting her chin and meeting her with a raging hard on already in my pants.
“Just remember, Fallon.” I needed to know that she liked it. “That it was real, what happened between us last night.”
My hand scaled up and down her body, feeling the thighs that couldn’t get enough of me only six hours ago.
My hand slid between her legs, over her jeans, and she moaned, pressing herself into me.
Yeah, it was real.
“Madoc, stop,” she begged, but she wasn’t pulling away.
“I want more.” I pressed my hand harder between her legs. “Do you still feel me?” I whispered. “I was there, Fallon, and you can’t change that. I was there.” I stroked her, and even though she groaned, she pushed me away.
“Stop.” She spun around and held her hands against my chest. “We’re going to get caught, Madoc. We can’t do this.”
“Fuck them,” I growled. “We hate them, and we let it stand between us. Last night was the first time you ever really saw me, and the first time I took you in. I want to feel it again,” I admitted, my mouth gone dry. She was like a drug, and I wanted to go deeper. I wanted more time with her when she wasn’t mad at me and I wasn’t mad at her.
“Stay with me today,” I pressed.
“What do you mean?”
“Screw school,” I shot out. “Stay with me. Let’s get in my car and just drive or…” I cupped her face, whispering, “or get lost in one of the spare bedrooms upstairs where Addie will never find us. I don’t care. Just so I can touch you any time I want.”
I dove in, kissing her and eating up her whimper. I trailed kisses down her neck as she invited me in.
“What do you like about me?” she asked softly, and I stopped.
Lifting my head up, I saw her staring down the staircase to where my old piano sat. I didn’t know how to answer the question. I guess I barely knew her. But I liked her.
Shit. Yeah, that didn’t make sense.
She turned and looked at me. “Why don’t you want to go to school?” she asked. “Because you can’t acknowledge me there?”
I shook my head.
I wasn’t embarrassed by her, and as much as we didn’t feel like family, she was still my fucking stepsister. Of course I couldn’t touch her at school.
“I’m like the piano,” she pointed out, gesturing down the stairs. “Best hidden, right?”
“It’s not like that,” I countered. “It was you and me last night. Just you and me. Just us, and it felt fucking great. Don’t overanalyze it.”
She turned away, fear written all over her face as she shot through the door back out to the kitchen. Addie was loading the dishwasher, and probably just assumed we’d been doing something innocent in the basement.
Fallon picked up her backpack. “Addie, I’m ready for school,” she rushed to say, slipping the bag on her back.
But I stepped in.
“I’ll take her,” I said, seeing Addie’s surprised expression.
I’d never driven Fallon to school, but I damn well wanted to today.
“Really?” Addie asked, looking delighted.
“No,” Fallon shot out, scowling at me. “I want Addie to take me. As usual. I don’t like the way you drive,” she said, clutching her backpack straps.
“He wants to take you to school,” Addie urged. “Let him.”
“No.” She started to walk out of the kitchen. “I’ll be in the car, Addie.”
Addie dried off her hands, and I clenched my fists. If I argued more, it would look suspicious, but I couldn’t let this go.
I’d try to give her a few days to calm down, but I wanted her in my hands again.
Addie walked up to me, patting me on the chest. “Well, thank you for the offer to drive her, Madoc. It’s nice to see you finally acting like a good brother.”
I dropped my head back and let out a sigh.
And that’s one way to kill a hard on.
Madoc: Ya know, you get off easy. Your anniversary is the same day as Tate’s birthday.
Jared: Well, I didn’t plan it that way.
Madoc: So what did you get her?
Jared: None of your business.
Madoc: Jax! What did Jared get Tate for her birthday?
Jax: Uh, one nice thing! One naughty thing! That’s all I can say.
Madoc: What the hell?
Jax: *snort* It’s pretty naughty, too.
Jared: Shut up.
Jax: What? It’s hot. Didn’t know you were into public displays and all. Thought that was Madoc and Fallon’s kink, but…I learn something new about you every day.
Jared: SHUT. UP.
Madoc: Why can’t I know?
Jared: Because you have no filter, and…
Jax: It’s what she would’ve had to do if she lost the race. What he’s been wanting to do to her.
Jared: I’m gonna kick your ass!
Jax: Yeah, I guess that’s all you can reach now that I’m taller than you.
Jared: Whatever. I don’t have time for this shit. I have to go. *walks off
Jax: Come on. Let’s go see a movie.
Madoc: I don’t want to see a movie.
Jax: No, you want to. The theater is where it happens. This is going to be awesome!
The theater anniversary scene was the continuation of this conversation.
***
Fallon: Madoc should be a book boyfriend. He’s perfect.
Juliet: Madoc is no longer a boyfriend. He’s a husband.
Fallon: Well, what about Jax then? He’s a hell of a lot better than Jared.
Juliet: *laughs* I’ll keep my man to myself, thanks.
Fallon: Is someone going to tell Tate?
Juliet: Who do you think nominated him in the first place?
Fallon: *gasps* She didn’t!
Juliet: Well, she knows how much he LOVES attention.
***
Me: You were nominated for the March Madness Book Boyfriend Battle against Mason Kade.
Jared: *eating, ignoring me
Me: *arms crossed, tapping foot
Jared: *eating
Me: *tapping foot louder
Madoc: *silently laughing at the table
Me: *clears throat* Jared?
Jared: *eating, ignoring
Me: *arch brow
Jax: *snort
Me: Jared, I’d REALLY like to win. You can prove that you are book boyfriend material, after all.
Jared: *arches brow
Me: *looks away, fuming* It doesn’t hurt your face to smile. Why do you have to be so stubborn?
Jared: …
Me: You have a soft side. Just show it! The perfect book boyfriend is bad in all the right ways, and they know how to be vulnerable. I’m not asking you to shed tears or anything.
Jared: *eating, glaring
Madoc: *laughing
Jax: *smiling
Me: For me? Try? Please?
Jared: Do you remember the sixteen year old girl who was forced to go to confession and then refused to do penance, because she still wouldn’t admit she’d done anything wrong?
Me: *slouches, looks away
Jared: That was a long time ago. Have you done penance yet?
Me: *scowls*
Jared: *smiles* That’s the part of you I come from.
Me: *scowls
Jared: You want Book Boyfriend? That’s the Madoc part of you speaking.
Madoc: 😀
***
Madoc: Fallon and I have more naughty business to share.
Me: No.
Madoc: But you didn’t tell them about us in the closet while our parents were sitting right out at the dinner table. That was hot. You should write about that!
Me: No.
Madoc: Why not?
Me: Because you were sixteen at the time. I can’t write about sixteen-year-olds having sex.
Fallon: *snort* I wouldn’t call it that. It was more like two minutes of Madoc groaning ‘Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.’
Madoc: Oh, really? That wasn’t you tearing off my belt and wrapping your damn legs around me like a rubber band.
Fallon: *shrugs* Might’ve been.
Me: You attacked him?
Fallon: He whispered in my ear. I just remembered it being kind of hot.
Madoc: *laughing
Me: What did you say to her?
Madoc: I said she was turning my two-by-four into a four-by-eight.
Me: Ew!
Fallon: You did not say that!
Madoc: I did. It didn’t take much to turn you on. The next day I told you that I wanted to wear your thighs as ear muffs on the way to school, and we were late! Like really late! That one definitely worked on you.
Fallon: I would never go for dumb ass lines like that!
Madoc: *looks her up and down* Mmmmm, I’m not a weatherman, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight, baby.
Fallon: *laughing* *wraps arms around him* You’re an idiot, you know that?
Madoc: *throws her over shoulder, takes her inside
Me: *creeps away, back to writing
***
Madoc: What are you doing?
Jax: Nothing.
Madoc: It looked like something.
Jax: *shuts computer off
Madoc: Are you accessing traffic cameras on your computer?
Jax: No.
Madoc: Are you lying?
Jax: Yes.
Madoc: Good. I prefer to believe you just watch porn in here, anyway.
Jax: Good man.
Madoc: *clears throat
Jax: *shifts eyes
Madoc: *shuffles feet
Jax: Sooooo…..how’s the Vampire Diaries going?
Madoc: Dude, I’m so frustrated. No one ever really dies on that show.
Jax: Hmmmm….
Madoc: I don’t know if I’m supposed to feel worried or sad or just wait for them to come back the next episode.
Jax: Yeah…that must suck.
***
Madoc: I don’t think I’m ready to have kids. I just had to have a man-to-man with Lucas, and it was really uncomfortable.
Jared: When is anything too uncomfortable for you?
Madoc: Since I had to calm down a twelve-year-old whose mom just caught him in the bathroom.
Jax: Caught him doing what?
Madoc: What do you think he was doing? He was all bent out of shape, thinking there was something wrong with him, and I had to explain that that’s what happens to healthy men. What he was doing was normal, and he shouldn’t be ashamed.
Jared: You didn’t teach him about sex, did you?
Madoc: I’m not his parent, and it’s not like I gave him condoms. Relax. I just told him it’s normal, and every guy does it.
Jax: …
Jared: …
Madoc: You guys masturbate, right?
Jared: *swallows, walks away
Jax: *coughs, walks away
Madoc: Aw, come on! You bunch of babies. We can talk about this!
***
Fallon: Madoc, get off me.
Madoc: Shh…just let it happen.
Fallon: I’m sleeping.
Madoc: I’ll only be a minute. I promise.
Fallon: *laughing
Madoc: You know, my birthday is coming up soon.
Fallon: Duh, we’re hosting a party. Like I could forget.
Madoc: I’d really love to go where no man has gone before.
Fallon: My ass isn’t on your flight plan, James T. Kirk. Hands off.
Madoc: Don’t you wanna make me happy for my birthday?
Fallon: Like you did when I asked for a new drafting table for MY birthday and, instead, you installed a stripper pole in the theater room?
Madoc: 😀
Fallon: Or last Christmas when I wanted Green Day tickets and you made me play Marco Polo with you in a pitch black house at night to find them?! I nearly broke my nose walking into an upstairs door!
Madoc: 😀
Fallon: Or how about last Valentine’s Day, I wanted a kinky little getaway to a bed & breakfast, but you talked me into some schoolgirl outfit and broke us into your old high school at night to have sex in the locker room?!
Madoc: 😀
Fallon: This year, I think we’ll try something I want for your birthday. How do you feel about…strap-ons?
Madoc: :O
***
Madoc: You know you’re my best friends, right? I will always be there for you guys. I mean it. We’ll be together forever.
Jared: *rolls eyes
Madoc: I’m not just saying that because I’m drunk. I really do love you guys. Like REALLY love you.
Jax: *snort
Madoc: And the fact that our parents are having sex is so awesome. I mean it wasn’t really awesome when I found out, but I’m totally cool with it now.
Jared: *arches brow
Jax: *facepalm
Madoc: And your mom’s hot! And she must be pretty good in bed if my dad kept her around all those years.
Jared: >:(
Jax: Oh, shit….
***
Jared: Shit.
Madoc: What’s wrong?
Jared: Tate just texted me. Apparently, Fallon convinced her that she needs a motorcycle. Awesome.
Madoc: What’s wrong with that? Have you seen Fallon on a motorcycle? It’s pretty hot.
Jared: Tate rides with me on mine. That’s it.
Jax: *snort* Apparently your woman needs more to ride than what you give her to ride.
Jared: >:(
And hopefully Jax survives that comment.
***JARED, MADOC, and JAX Interview!
You asked! They answered!!
1. Jared, if Tate and Fallon weren’t in the picture, would you and Madoc have ended up together?
Jared: Are you high?
2. Jared, we learned why Madoc has your loyalty…Why are you loyal to him? Why did you befriend him in the first place?
Jared: After I pushed Tate away, Madoc was a good distraction. He was a hellraiser and lots of fun. We teamed up and both weren’t interested in sharing too much about ourselves. It was a good arrangement. Madoc was like the one place in my life where there weren’t any complications. Just easy fun. Now, I’m loyal to him, because he’s with me through thick and thin. We can rely on each other.
3. Jared, have you and Tate discussed a future with little Tates and Jareds running around?
Jared: We’ve talked about college plans, but no—we haven’t gone as far as marriage and kids. Tate and I just want to enjoy being happy without changing anything right now. It’s good the way it is. We just want to be calm.
4. Jared, are we ever going to find out if there will be a little brown haired girl with storm-blue eyes riding on your shoulders and how did you know that Tate was your IT girl?
Jared: Yes, Penelope has plans to show you more after Falling Away. And I knew Tate was my IT girl the moment I pushed her away at fourteen. I never obsessed over anyone else from then on. She was always in my thoughts and tearing up my heart.
5. Jax, will you be reaching out to your birth mother’s side of the family and and why/how will K.C. be your IT girl?
Jax: I don’t know about my mother. I don’t feel like I need much closure as far as she’s concerned. Now, my father, on the other hand…
And K.C.’s not my IT girl. She’s a mouthy brat, and I’d like to shut her up. And I’m having lots of fun thinking of ways to do that.
6. Jared, when do you plan on asking Tate to marry you?
Jared: When I damn well feel like it. And Tate will damn well know before you do.
7. Jared: you briefly mentioned that your mom managed to provide a comfortable enough life style for you but you couldn’t understand how since she didn’t make much money…did you ever figure that out? And what exactly does she do?
Jared: Yes. I found out. And so will you.
8. Jared, what would you and Tate do if, for whatever reason, your mom and Tate’s dad started dating?
Jared: Great. Then Tate and I can have my house, and my mom can move into the Brandts’.
9. Jared, how do u really feel about Tate’s study date with Stevie?
Jared: Stevie’s a good guy. As long as she comes home to me…
10. For Jax, did you ever have hard feelings toward Jared for leaving you behind?
Jax: I love my brother, and I don’t blame him for getting out. But I also realized how very different we are.
11. Jared did you actually watch Tate drive away to Paris? And did you wonder what guys’ she was doing?
Jared: Yeah, I watched her leave. I hated that that was the last time I was going to see her for a long time. Tate was my home, regardless of how I felt about her. I looked for her every day, and I thought about her every day. Watching her leave made me feel sick. And yes, I wondered who she was dating. When her dad talked to her on the phone when I was at the house, I’d leave, because I knew I’d obsess over it if I overheard things. I didn’t want to know who she kissed or who might be making her smile. I didn’t want to think about her forgetting me.
12. Jared, what’s your favorite position? Do you cuddle afterwards or are you a hug and roll kinda guy?
Jared: Um, well… probably doggy style, although I do love looking into her eyes. Maybe up against the wall, too, as long as I have control.
13. Jax and Jared where would you want to live and why:
Jared: any place with lots of room to drive.
Jax: Here. Shelburne Falls.
14. For Jared, is he going to or has he raced Tate yet?
Jared: Yes. We bet on it. You’ll find out all about it.
15. Jax why didn’t you leave with Jared when you had the chance?
Jax: When you live a certain way for so long, it becomes your normal. You don’t feel like you have choices.
16. Jared, when will you have a child with Tate and what would you do if she/he would behave more like their mother and less like their father?
Jared: We’ll have kids if and when we’re ready. Tate and I are in no rush to change things. And I think Tate and I are a lot alike. That kid’s going to have a temper either way.
17. Jax, what was your first impression of K.C??
Jax: That she had a stick up her ass the size of a baseball bat. But I knew there was a real person underneath the façade, and I became more interested in seeing everything she tried to hide.
18. Jared, in the past when you used to bully Tate, was there ever a time you ogled her as much as you did when she came back from France?
Jared: I always ogled Tate. Always.
19. Madoc and Jared, either one or both of you could answer, have you ever thought about or have been in a three-way? If yes, who with. If no, would you?
Madoc: If it had been with two girls instead of a guy and girl, I would’ve gone for it.
Jared: If you read Until You, you know the answer to that.
20. Jax, did you feel abandoned when Jared left? How did you get over that feeling?
Jax: No, I didn’t feel abandoned. I had been alone before, and when he left, it was what I expected.
21. Madoc or Jared, who lost their virginity first?
Both: Jax
Jared: Then me.
Madoc: Yeah, I was last. And I wouldn’t change it.
Deleted Scenes
K.C. gets arrested…
“This is getting more pathetic by the second,” my college roommate and best friend, Nik, taunted from my side. “What are you going to do, K.C.? Kill him with the power of your stare all night?”
I raised my eyes, glowering at her, knowing damn well what she was trying to do.
“What would you like me to do?” I asked, evening out my voice to hide the tears lodged in my throat. “Kick him in the balls? Get in a cat fight with the girl? I’m better than that, Nik.”
She pursed her lips and arched an eyebrow, gazing across the black dance floor like she wanted to give up on me.
I followed her gaze and shook my head. Yeah, right. I wasn’t better. I was just stupid. I should’ve listened to my mother. She said I should listen to her, and when I don’t, I always regret it.
And here I was, regretting it again as I zoned in on my boyfriend—scratch that, ex-boyfriend—who had his hand up the skirt of a girl who wasn’t me.
Again.
I thought all of Liam’s hearts and flowers meant something in high school. I thought that all of the times he’d said he loved me earned him chances. Turns out, I thought a lot of bullshit.
The truth was…the first time he cheated on me during my senior year of high school, I forgave him, because I couldn’t let my mother be right. I couldn’t let her see my relationship fail and admit that I’d been wrong.
I’d swallowed some self-respect, but I wasn’t swallowing it again. Nik, however, wanted me to go above and beyond. She wanted his dick in a meat grinder.
She sighed, lifting the cranberry and vodka to her lips. “Yeah, I guess that’s why he’s two-timing you,” she spat out in a sharp tone, gesturing with the bright red drink in her hand. “Because you’re better, right? That’s why he’s thinking about you right now as he touches her?” She put her hand on her chest, acting dramatic. “Why he’s showing how much he cares about you by telling you that he had a late final tonight when he really just wanted to take someone else out. I’m starting to wonder how many other things have escaped your notice, K.C.”
The plastic cup in my hand cracked under the pressure, and the tequila shot Nik had ordered me dribbled over my fingers. The burning in my nose heated up even more with my quick breaths.
I needed that shot. Dammit.
Actually, I didn’t need it. I just wanted it. I’d already had another one and half a beer. While I was still only twenty, Nik was twenty-one and had been buying my drinks. That was her answer when times were tough. Load up a row of shot glasses and drink until you’re numb. Not me, though. I’d pace myself. A buzz without being bombed.
She passed me her shot, and I let it sit on the table.
Good friend. The best one I’d had in a while.
Her real name was Nikita—as in La Femme Nikita. Her mom had apparently been obsessed with the movie, the American re-make, and the television show. Nik was everything that I wasn’t, and ever since we’d met nearly two years ago, I was in a constant state of envy.
Her long blonde hair hung in small spiral curls, she wore no make-up, and the tattoos around her wrists were ornate and dark. I wanted the blue streaks in her hair, her chipped green nail polish, and her unfashionable black t-shirt that said, ‘My Imaginary Friend Thinks You’re Weird’.
I wanted to be Nik.
And she kind of wanted to get in my pants.
She’d been flirting with me since I first walked into our dorm room at the beginning of freshman year, and while I knew my mother wouldn’t approve of me living with a lesbian, I soon found out I couldn’t live without Nik. She was a breath of fresh air and a reminder that life is all around me when I often tried to block it out.
Of course, she’d love the opportunity to get me naked, but she was really good at just being the kind of friend who gave me a kick in the ass when I needed it.
I’d fallen out of touch with my friends from back home, and other than Nik, I didn’t have a whole hell of a lot here in Arizona that made me happy. My grades were great, but I hated the Political Science major my mother encouraged, and Liam and I had been on the downward spiral for months.
Okay, years.
I held my hand and skimmed the scar on the inside of my wrist with my thumb, trying to remember what the hell made me angrier. Liam cheating on me or me staying long enough for him to do it twice.
She leaned down, resting her elbows on the table and rubbing her eyes.
“For Christ’s sake, do something,” she pleaded. “For the love of all of the pink shit in your closet, make a fucking move!”
I inhaled and exhaled hard out of my nose, shaking my head.
She was right. I knew she was right. She knew she was right. But what I couldn’t figure out as I stood there was how I could be angry and not sad. Pissed but not hurt. What the hell was wrong with me?
I didn’t feel territorial about Liam or ready to go bawl in a stall in the ladies’ room. I wasn’t going to check my phone a zillion times tomorrow to look for apology voicemails or texts. I wasn’t sad.
But I looked over at him and the redhead—it was a redhead last time, too—and I was damn-well angry. I squeezed my fists so hard I felt my nails dig into my palm. I’d been underestimated, forgotten, and disrespected. That pissed me off.
I needed to be like Tate. My best friend back home. We used to be the same. Shy, timid, invisible…but one day she’d had enough, and she started to react instead of letting doubt weigh her down.
I needed to be brave, Strong.
Just do it, I urged myself. Move your fucking feet, K.C.
But when I hesitated, Nik let out a bitter laugh. “You know?” Her soft, velvety voice could only mean trouble. “Her skirt is super sexy. I’d have my hand up it, too.”
My eyes bugged out, and I slammed my palm down on the table, shooting daggers at my friend. That is it! “You want the girl?” I asked, taunting. “Well, wait here then. I’ll get rid of her boyfriend for you.”
Ignoring the victorious, smug smile spreading across her cherub cheeks, I threw back her untouched shot on the table and swallowed down the burn at the back of my throat from the cheap tequila.
As I cut my way across the dance floor—lit up with the reflection of the blue, green, and red strobe lights overhead—my sparkly, black flats barely touched the floor. I was high on adrenaline.
Screw Liam, I kept chanting in my head. Screw Liam. I could do this.
I quickly smoothed my hands over my black, layered miniskirt that was tight at the waist but flared out after my hips and then ran my index finger under my bottom lip, clearing up any smeared lip gloss.
Poser pink lip gloss. That’s what Jaxon Trent called my make-up once. Poser.
Another guy who thought I was gutless.
I pushed his words out of my head, sucked in a deep breath, and tapped my fingers against my bare thighs as I charged up to Liam’s table.
Not fifteen minutes later the whole world came to an end.
***
“I can’t believe you just did that,” Nik whispered, wide-eyed, next to me as we sat in my parked Nissan Altima.
“I’m going to throw up,” I choked, gripping the steering wheel and chewing on my bottom lip. “What the hell was I thinking? That was a mistake.”
“No, it wasn’t!” she burst out. “It was epic! It was awesome! You shined, K.C.”
“And now the cops just pulled us over. That’s not awesome, Nik.”
We were sitting next to the curb on a quiet residential street. Some homes were still lit up even though it was nearly eleven. No one, however, came outside to inspect the colorful flashing lights of the cop car behind us.
Officer Baylor—I’d spotted his name tag—had taken my keys, my license, registration and proof of insurance, and was now back in his vehicle doing Lord-knows-what, and all I could think about was how the drop of sweat trailing down my neck was going to ruin my whole outfit. I had to look responsible. If I looked responsible in my cute, but classy attire and high, stylish ponytail, then I could get out of this. Appearance is everything, my mother would say.
I knew it was a load of crap, but it was all the hope I had to hold onto right now.
I blew out a long, slow breath and straightened my back. My fingers instinctively went to my mouth, but then I jerked them back down to the steering wheel again, remembering not to bite my nails.
Nik cleared her throat, and I knew she’d been watching me. “Well, perhaps your lucky star is shining tonight,” she suggested.
Lucky star. I rolled my eyes.
I reached over to turn on the AC but stopped when I realized that the cop still had my keys. Damn Arizona summers.
“There’s no such thing. And if there is, my luck has run out,” I grumbled, darting my head around to see if the cop had emerged from his car yet.
“Don’t count your chickens until the fat lady sings,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Before they hatch,” I corrected. “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”
“Whatever. Show me your tits.”
“Nik!” I laughed, clamping my hand over my mouth. It would not be a good idea for the cop to see me giggling.
Nik pointed at me and smiled. “Got you to lighten up, didn’t I?” She winked at me. “Don’t worry. You will get through this, because the gods are always on your side, K.C.”
I pursed my lips, trying to hide my smile from the tit comment. Yeah, right. Nik had it in her head that I had the best luck in the world and that she only stayed my roommate so she could benefit from the residual effects.
She was high. On what drug, I didn’t know, but she was out of her mind.
Yeah, it was a little weird freshman year when the answers to a Macro-economics test I was unprepared for showed up in my email inbox.
And it was kind of awesome two weeks later when the sprinklers went off in Finite Math on the same day I happened to be running late for a quiz.
And then last spring when I had to write a report on Oliver Cromwell’s England? The University librarian emailed to let me know that the research texts I’d requested were waiting in reserve for pick-up. That wasn’t weird or awesome. It was unnerving. I’d never requested any texts for research. I had no idea where to begin with that research, actually.
Lots of lucky little things happened like that over the last two years, and I couldn’t explain it.
My mother cut off my credit card when I decided to minor in Creative Writing, and a job at the University bookstore landed in my lap.
I’d failed to study for a Music Appreciation final, because I couldn’t stand the class. My teacher’s test playlist of Baroque composers was replaced with 2 Live Crew’s Me So Horny.
A speeding ticket I couldn’t pay mysteriously disappeared from the DMV database, and one of my professors who had creeped me out with a suggestive email ‘resigned’ after his other emails to other students were leaked. The one to me wasn’t, thank God.
Most of it was great. I never took the test answers…wherever they came from, but I certainly wasn’t going to complain about the rest of it.
I just simply wasn’t going to rely on it, either.
Between that and Nik, I’d had more than a few reasons to smile these past two years, and now I could be thankful that I was no longer the girlfriend of a cheater.
I was grateful for that.
But I was also nervous. The summer was starting, and I was supposed to be moving into an apartment with Liam next week. I was supposed to be planning my study abroad trip to New Zealand for next spring. And I was supposed to be home in bed right now.
Instead, I was in a shitload of trouble on all fronts. I now had no place to live this summer, my college classes were as dry as dirt, and—I twisted my head around again to see that the cop was still working in his car—I was possibly in deep shit with the law now.
I winced, swallowing the lump in my throat. My mother. What the hell was she going to say?
Checking the rearview mirror, I noticed the cop climbing out of his car
“Shit. He’s got a Breathalyzer in his hand.” Nik’s quiet voice crashed into my stomach. “This is all my fault, K.C. I’m so sorry.”
My face felt like it was splintering into a dozen different cracks, and I clenched my teeth to dull the ache in my jaw.
“I’m not worried about the Breathalyzer,” I whispered, looking down into my lap. “He might know what happened at the club.”
***
Jax watches K.C. dancing…
Madoc stood next to me, watching K.C. through my bedroom window. “She’s lost her damn mind,” he joked.
“Yeah.” The corner of my mouth turned up. “Finally.”
My little pearl-clutcher had certainly gone off the reservation, and I crossed my arms over my chest, taking in the sight of it.
She was smiling and crazy beautiful.
Digging my cell out of my pocket, I dialed the police station.
“What are you doing?” Madoc asked, bringing his Newcastle to his lips.
I wiggled my eyebrows at him, knowing he would know what that meant.
“Hey, Rachel,” I said into the phone, trying to sound concerned. “It’s Jax. Who’s on patrol tonight? I need to report a lot of noise coming from next door.”
Madoc immediately hunched over and started laughing, but it was so deep that it sounded more like a wheeze.
He shook his head, smiling. “You’re such a prick,” he chuckled.
Yeah, I am.
K.C. Carter may have lost her damn mind, and I wanted to make sure she never found it again.
***
Jax and K.C. before they leave for the camping trip…
“Jax, Jared is honking the horn!” I cried out, running my fingers through the hair of the head between my legs. “Oh, God.” I arched my back off the mattress. “Right there!”
I groaned as Jax sucked my clit into his mouth and worked it hard, giving it quick nips with his teeth and stretching it out between his lips.
“Oh!” I rolled my hips, making love to his mouth.
God, I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t think he’d slept all night, and then I woke up twenty minutes ago with him on top of me. He had an appetite, and I was beyond delirious.
I knew he’d spent time in the office, getting work done last night, and then he’d told me—when his tongue wasn’t inside of me, that is—that we were all going camping starting today.
Jared was waiting outside, and I wouldn’t put it past him to barge through the door, demanding his brother back.
I threw my arms over my face as his tongue flicked me, sending me spasming home.
“Jesus!” I moaned and cried, punching the bed with my fists.
“Juliet! You okay?” Tate called from the other side of the door, and I covered my face with my hands again.
“Fuck off, Tate,” Jax barked, sucking me until the final shudders had left my body.
“Oh, my God,” Tate burst out. “Um, we’ll be downstairs. Hurry up!”
We’ll? My head fell to the side, and I closed my eyes, my face warm with embarrassment.
Jax gave me one last long lick and kissed up my stomach, stopping to suck on my breast.
“Don’t you ever get tired?” I whimpered through my hands.
“Of you?” He swirled his tongue around my nipple. “Doesn’t look like it. You’re too hot when you come.”
I dropped my hands to his face, bringing him in for a kiss. “I need a shower,” I whispered into his lips. “And you’re brother is going to drag you off of me, so you better go.”
“Jax! Now!”
We both jerked our heads to the door, hearing Jared’s bellow from downstairs.
Jax smiled and pecked me on the lips before jumping off the bed. His hair was still wet from the shower he took while I was asleep, and he already had jeans on. Digging into one of his bags—I assumed from the shopping trip with Madoc yesterday—he grabbed a black t-shirt and slipped it on his long torso.
“Be ready when I get back, okay?” He grabbed his phone, keys, and wallet, shoving them in his pockets. “Pack a bikini and some of my t-shirts to wear. You don’t need anything else.”
A smile spread over my lips, and I sat up, covering myself with the sheet. “I’ll be ready.”
I knew he wanted to get out of here soon, and I was glad he’d confided in me. I didn’t know how concerned to be about his father or whether or not he was a genuine threat, but I trusted Jax and Jared’s responses to keep a safe distance until they were prepared.
And hey, if it meant sharing a tent with Jax for three days, then I was cool with that. Tutoring was on a one-week hiatus for the Fourth of July next week, and I wasn’t starting my theater job until after tutoring was completed mid-July.
He dived back down for a quick kiss and then headed for the door. “And don’t comb your hair,” he ordered, looking back at me and winking.
I saluted, watching him leave.
Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I kept the sheet wrapped around me and rotated my ankles and feet back to life. I’d practically been fucked into the mattress, although I do vaguely remember going into his office last night, riding him in his chair, and then returning to bed as if I’d just gotten up to get a drink of water.
The bedroom door swung open, and I looked up to see Fallon pulling to a sudden halt and peering down at me wide-eyed.
“Oh, wow,” she said, stunned.
I bowed my head, groaning. I didn’t even want to know what I looked like.
I heard a second set of footsteps and glanced up to see Tate.
“Well,” she drawled out, grinning. “You’re a mess.”
I nodded, tightening the sheet. “Energy,” I mumbled. “He has lots of it.”
Fallon came in, circling the bed, while Tate sat down beside me.
“One, two, three,” Fallon counted, and I looked up to see her picking up condom wrappers on the floor. “Four, five…” she continued and came to stand in front of me, shaking her head.
I swallowed and glanced at the nightstand and then back up at her with her handful of wrappers.
Shooting my hand over, I grabbed another wrapper off the night stand and shoved it into her hands. “Six,” I mumbled, looking away.
And that didn’t count the office sex last night or the oral sex this morning.
“I…I’ll…um,” she stumbled over her words, “I’ll go back over to your place and run her a bath.”
She walked out, and Tate called after her as she started to rub circles on my back.
“My soothing salts are under the sink!” she shouted to Fallon.
I shrugged her hand off, letting out a nervous laugh. “It’s not my first time, Tate. Stop fussing.”
She dropped her hand to her lap, speaking sternly. “You ever done it six times in one night before?” she asked.
I stared at my feet, smiling to myself and shaking my head.
She continued, “And if Jax is anything like his brother, then I’m sure he’s no gentlemen in the bedroom.”
I folded my lips between my teeth, trying not to laugh and look like I was losing my mind. I was mortified, delirious, and happy all at the same time, and I probably looked like I’d been attacked by an animal.
But definitely not by a gentleman. Oh no.
Juliet: Do you remember when I asked if you were into lingerie and you said that lingerie was nothing more than clothing you had to take off?
Jax: Yes.
Juliet: And that there was no point to it, because it only covered up everything you wanted to see anyway?
Jax: Yes.
Juliet: And that you were a low-maintenance man who liked low-maintenance women, and I didn’t have to put on any frills for you?
Jax: I feel like we’re going to fight again. Which is fine, but we have to be at dinner with the family soon, and we don’t have time for make-up sex.
Juliet: *dangles lingerie from fingers*
Juliet: This was expensive, Jax. ‘WAS’ being the key word, since it’s now useless! I dragged Tate out to go shopping today and bought my first piece of real lingerie to test your comments. I only wore it for two minutes, and every time you get excited, you cut off my clothes!!!!
Jax: *grins
Juliet: It’s not funny.
Jax: You in that little black number was anything but funny.
Juliet: So you do like lingerie then, don’t you?!
Jax: Clearly.
Juliet: Well, what am I am supposed to do?! Buy it, so you can enjoy it one time and ruin it?
Jax: *grins
Juliet: Or maybe make you check the knife at the door?!
Jax: Do you really want that?
Juliet: Don’t give me that sexy little smile and think I’m going to melt. I love you, but I’m mad.
Jax: I love it when you’re mad.
Juliet: Oh, shut up.
Jax: *grins
Juliet: Stop looking at me like that.
Jax: *whispers* Baby…
Juliet: I’m not melting this time, Jax! *runs upstairs* And another thing. Start using a clean knife in the mayo jar! There’s bits of mustard in there from after you’ve spread it on your sandwich and then used it in the mayo! It’s gross!! *disappears up stairs
Jax: *snorts *texts Madoc
Jax: We’re going to be late for dinner.
Jax: *climbs stairs
***
*warning* This is a spoiler for Aflame
Madoc: I was thinking…Fallon and I are planning a winter trip to Aspen. We want you to come.
Tate: Oh, yay! Me smack dab in the middle of your candlelit dinners and intimate bubble baths. Count me in.
Madoc: I’m serious. There’s a great party scene there, tons of people to meet…You’d have a lot of fun.
Jax: *watching *gritting teeth
Tate: I have fun, Madoc.
Madoc: You have vibrators, Tate.
Addie: Oh, Madoc! Really!
Madoc: Oh, please. It’s not like your panties have seen any action lately, either.
Addie: *huffs *stomps out of kitchen
Madoc: Tate, for real, though. Come on. Let’s ride some snowmobiles, go to some swanky parties, and drink ‘til we puke. You can invite someone along, if you want.
Jax: *glaring at Madoc
Tate: I’ll think about it. *gets up, walks out of room
Jax: What the fuck are you doing?
Madoc: *shrugs
Jax: That’s my brother’s girl, asshole.
Madoc: Your brother can go screw himself for all I care. He left, after all. He doesn’t want her.
Jax: He’ll always want her. And if you try to set her up with guys, you won’t have to worry about what he’ll do to you. Stop going out of your way to fuck with me, and I mean it.
Madoc: Tate has every right to do what she wants. And she’s getting very good at doing EXACTLY what she wants if you haven’t noticed. But she does listen to me. More than she does you, so be prepared.
Jax: *smirks* You’re my best friend, so no offense, but I’m smarter than you. If. You. Haven’t. Noticed. SO BE PREPARED.
Madoc: >:(
Jax: >:(
Madoc: >:(
Jax: >:(
Madoc: So…you wanna like play Grand Theft Auto in the basement?
Jax: You got the new PS4 version?
Madoc: Duh.
Jax: Okay, then.
***
Madoc: You see, this little thingy here is called the dip stick. It tells us how much oil we have and when it should be changed.
Juliet: *scowling
Madoc: But it’s lucky for you that you have a big, strong man around to do all the car work for you. You don’t have to worry your pretty little head about anything.
Juliet: *scowling
Madoc: And when it comes time for you to buy a car, leave it to Jax and all you have to worry about is which color will go with your fingernails.
Juliet: *scowling
Fallon: Madoc…
Madoc: I’m just teasing. Sorry, Juliet. It’s okay that you don’t know about cars. Even though you’re the only one in the group who doesn’t know about mechanics.
Juliet: *scowling
Madoc: I’m teasing! *grabs her, hugs her* I’m sure you learned lots of awesome stuff in Girl Scouts. *laughing
Juliet: *scowling
Jax: MADOC!!!!! Get your ass in here!
Everyone runs up to Jax and Juliet’s upstairs bathroom…
Madoc: What?
Jax: Lucas flushed his vegetables from lunch down the toilet! It’s overflowing!
Madoc: Well, get the plunger!
Jax: I tried that. There’s water everywhere! It’s not stopping.
Fallon: Oh, shit…
Juliet: *shifts eyes around room, watching everyone
Jax: Oh, my God. Seriously! What a mess! Why won’t it stop?
Madoc: Alright, I’ll call a plumber. Fallon, get some towels.
Fallon: *runs to hall closet
Madoc: *gets on phone
Jax: Ugh, it’s about to spill down the stairs. Fallon, hurry!
Juliet: *arches eyebrow and watches boys
Juliet: Are you guys for real? *reaches down, turns valve, shutting water off
Madoc: :O
Jax: :O
Fallon: Hey, it stopped!
Madoc: How’d you know how to do that?
Juliet: Girl Scouts. We took a field trip to Home Depot, and the guy showed us how to handle emergencies like this.
Madoc: Girl Scouts?
Juliet: Yeah, so bite me. *and walks out
Jax and Fallon: *laughing
***
Jared: Pasha, get in here!
Pasha: What?
Jared: I’m going out of town for a while. I leave tomorrow. Take a look at the calendar and see if anything is on the schedule for the next few weeks.
Pasha: No, other than a charity race in Fontana, you’re clear.
Jared: Good. Cancel that, and then get my plane ticket out of my email and try to get yourself on the same plane.
Pasha: What?!
Jared: You’re coming with me. We still have work that needs to be done. You know I don’t know how to run those computer programs.
Pasha: Where are we going?!
Jared: Shelburne Falls
Pasha: Like hell! I am NOT spending a couple weeks in the bum-fuck midwest!
Jared: Relax, we have cute girls there, too.
Pasha: I’m not into girls.
Jared: *snort
Pasha: >:(
Jared: Now.
Pasha: >:(
Jared: Now!
Pasha: *walks out, turns back* Oh, yeah. You won some book boyfriend contest. Congrats. *grins, walks out*
Jared: >:(
But he is soooooo happy on the inside!! 😀 Thank you everyone for voting for our man and believing in him.
***
Madoc: You ranked in Erotica?!
Jax: *shrugs
Jared: You little shit…
Jax: Come on. It’s not a competition. Get over it.
Madoc: Easy for you to say. What the hell did you do that we didn’t?
Jax: You’re really asking me that?
Jared: No. We don’t need details. Shut up, Madoc.
Madoc: Yeah, I don’t need details either.
Jax: Good.
Jared: Good.
Madoc: Fine.
Jax: However…I’m sure she, Fallon, and Tate have all compared notes by now. Sucks to be you 😀
***
Madoc: I want to talk to you.
Fallon: Ooooh, adding a little spice to our relationship. I’m there.
Madoc: Smart ass.
Fallon: 😀
Madoc: So, tell me. What’s extremerestraints.com?
Fallon: Uh…where…what?
Madoc: The kink site, babe. Why were you on it?
Fallon: ……….
Madoc: If you bought a strap on, so help me…
Fallon: NO! Oh, my God, no I didn’t buy anything! I…I just…
Madoc: *arches brow
Fallon: I just…well, the girls and I were going to the Fifty Shades premier and I hadn’t read the books, so I started to read them, and then I got confused, because I didn’t know what toys they were talking about and I couldn’t picture stuff in my head, so I went online to look at it, and…
Madoc: And?
Fallon: And nothing. I didn’t buy anything. We don’t need that stuff.
Madoc: Good. You always like being in control anyway, so I doubt you’d ever let me tie you down. *walks away
Fallon: *mumbles* The woman isn’t always the one tied down.
Madoc: What was that?
Fallon: Nothing.
***
Madoc: Give it up already. I’ve made up my mind.
Jason: Madoc, my law firm is your heritage. It’s your future. I’ve built everything for YOU!
Madoc: And thank you for that, but you didn’t build the firm, the clientele, or the connections for me to assume your place. You built all of that, because you didn’t have a choice. And you stuck with it, so I would have choices instead. You sacrificed for me. Now I’m going to do my own thing.
Jason: This is ridiculous. Think of your wife! Think of our name!
Madoc: Let’s get real. You’re not going to disown me. You love me. Everyone loves me, and Addie would kill you anyway. Your hard work has guaranteed my financial future. So thanks for that. But I’m switching to the other side. I want to do work that means something.
Jason: The public sector?! Are you serious?!
Madoc: It’s not a disease. Damn.
Jason: But you’re going to put the same people in prison that I’m trying to keep free?!
Madoc: Good times. 😀
Jason: But…
Madoc: And working in the public sector makes me a better candidate for mayor if I want someday…
Jason: But…
Madoc: Or senator!!!
Jason: But…
Madoc: Or governor! Can you imagine? Me, a governor?
Jason: :O
Madoc: *walks out of room smiling
Jason: Madoc!
Jason: *whispers* F*CK!
Katherine: *walks in smiling* Well, that word usually only comes out in bed. What’s up?
Jason: That kid of mine could sell a Smart car to a NASCAR driver, I swear!
Katherine: *snort* Already losing arguments against him, huh?
***
Madoc: *watching Star Wars trailer* Wear a skirt when we go see this, okay?
Fallon: Why?
Madoc: I’ll need easy access. I just got a chubby from the trailer. Who knows what the movie will do to me?
Q: Jax, since you’re good with computers and finding things out, did you know about Katherine and Jason’s affair before he told Madoc or anyone?
A: You don’t live in the same house with someone and not pick up on things. Whispered phone calls, late night visitor…my brother didn’t care enough to notice, but yeah, I knew what was going on early enough. But I’m not Madoc. When I pry, I’m invisible about it. No one knew I knew.
Q: K.C., why did you have two angel wings with both wings broken tattooed when you told Jax you wanted a set of angel wings with one wing broken? What or who do the broken wings stand for?
A: Before, the set of wings symbolized me and my sister, with me as the broken wing. When I got the tattoo, Jax had made such an impact that it was a spur of the moment decision. Him and I. Both wings broken.
Q: Juliet: why did you never hold a grudge or play harder to get with Jax? I mean, he teased you and dropped you on your butt (embarrassing) and he called you gutless and helpless. I mean he even ignored you; had a party and didn’t tell you, and while at that party was all over another girl knowing you were there. You still always went back never seeming to put up a fight and make him work for it. Or at least make him feel bad for what he’d done. I mean I know you liked him for ages, but why?
A: Never put up a fight? Oh, honey, I definitely called that boy out on his crap. LOL. We were always at each other’s throats! I didn’t hold a grudge, because at first I kind of liked what Jax was doing to me, in a way. Trying to get under my skin and rile me up. He got me mad, he drew me out, he made me feel and react wildly, and it was addictive. I liked what it brought out in me. I needed it. But then at the party, when he treated me badly, I got in his face and finally told him off. The ball was in his court after that. I knew what he was doing and why he was doing it, but I wasn’t going to fight for him again. It was his turn. And four days later, after not looking at him or speaking to him, of carrying on my life and staying strong, he finally realized what a douche he’d been. You may have done differently and never given him a second chance, but I considered him worth it. And I’m glad he’s by my side now. He knows he has family who will be at his side, and I’ve never been this happy.
Q: When Juliet Made The Phone Call Who Did She Call To Get Everyone To Come?
A: I called Tate. In retrospect, I should’ve called 911, but Tate was my first thought. Everyone was at Madoc’s house with her, so they all were alerted.
Q: Katherine and Jason, are you planning to have any children of your own? And how would Jared, Jax, and Madoc feel about being big brothers?
A: It’s possible. We’re both still young enough. And the boys—Madoc and Jax, at least—would have a field day being big brothers. I’m never sure, though, how Jared would feel. I can’t picture a baby in his arms.
Q: Fallon, are you going to tell Madoc that you almost died in a car accident after you saw him with another girl and your dad had to bring you back from destruction?
A: Well, he knows now! Thanks! No, just kidding. Of course, I already told him.
Q: For Jared: what’s your favorite memory of your friendship with Madoc and have you bonded properly with Fallon?
A: I like the weekends when Madoc and I would just hang out in each other’s garages and work on our cars. Madoc is comfortable—one of the few people I’m comfortable with. As for Fallon, I make it a point to NOT bond with my friend’s or brother’s girls.
Q: Juliet, would you let Jax read all your journals someday? And were you serious about Cameron?
A: Yes, as embarrassing as some things were, I would trust Jax with my journals. I doubt he would ever ask to read them, though. He makes it a point to respect my privacy now. And Cameron, I don’t think so. Jax has had a long history with her. I think it would be uncomfortable.
Q: Jared, are you always so rude with K.C. because of what happened between the two of you?
A: I was almost always rude to K.C. no matter if it was before or after the ‘incident’. We’re on common ground now, and I kind of like her.
Q: Madoc, if Fallon was able to keep the baby and you discovered this on your return, what would your reaction have been? And Fallon, if you had carried the baby full term and your evil mother took it away saying the baby died and you discovered your baby was alive, what would you do? And why didn’t anyone kill the Trent father?
A: We would’ve wanted our baby. No doubt. Both of us would’ve loved it crazy. As for Thomas Trent, he’s not worth a glance much less blood on our hands.
Q: Jax, did Fallon inspire your piercings?
A: No, Madoc did.
Q: Ciaran, do you regret not being able to give Fallon away/walk down the aisle with her?
A: Yes, I was pretty fucking mad about that. I’m encouraging them to have a do-over.
Q: When it comes to a great romance story I notice that authors like to split up the couple and allow time for them to grow on their own. When it comes to Tate and Jared, how will Tate get over the idea that Jared left her regardless what the reason is?
A: Once you’ve deemed something unforgiveable, you’ve lost all hope. It all depends on if it was worth it. What kind of man will Jared be when he comes home is what we need to know.
Q: Madoc, when did you figure out Jared had a thing for Tate?
A: As soon as he did the ‘loser’ sneeze in Freshman P.E. when she walked by. Yeah, he was that lame.
Q: I would like to know something about the tattoos. They are crazy and I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t regret them at some time in your life. Like Jared and Tate, for example, who are broken up right now. It must be hard to have these memories plastered on your skin 24/7. Would you disagree and why?
A: Jared: I don’t regret anything. I never want to forget. My tattoos are for me and no one else.
Tate: I only have one little one. It’s a battle scar I’m kind of proud of.
Fallon: My tattoos are crazy? You sound like my mother. Yikes.
Madoc: Mine is crazy only if I break up with Fallon. Which will never happen. But yeah, totally awkward if I did.
Jax: I love mine. Without a doubt, they are badges of the girl who made me who I am. I’m proud of that.
Juliet: Ditto.
Q: What are Jax & Juliet going to school for?
A: Jax: Computers
Juliet: Education
Q: Does Piper regret what she did to Jared and Tate?
A: Not for a second. He was mine when she came back from France. And now that they’re apart….hmmm…
Q: Madoc, are you ready for kids? Boy or girl first?
A: I’m ready whenever. We have plenty of time, and Fallon and I still have more school, but I think it’s something we’ll be great at. And boys…the firstborns are always boys in my family. So we’ll see!
Bonus Scenes
Some of the character conversations and scenes will feature the kids of the original couples. Here’s a guide:
Jared and Tate-parents of Dylan and James
Madoc and Fallon-parents of Kade and Hunter (twins), and A.J.
Jax and Juliet-parents of Hawke
Quinn-Daughter of Jason (Madoc’s dad) and Katherine (Jared’s mom). She’s Madoc, Jared, and Jax’s little sister.
Lucas-Madoc’s “little brother” from Rival
Madoc
“Hey, Jared?” I called out, shouting over the crowd at the Loop. “You know what you call two Mustangs at the top of a hill? A miracle!”
I chuckled, enjoying the sight of his back tensing as he knelt down in front of his tire. Tate cocked an eyebrow, shooting me a warning look as she rounded the Boss to talk to her husband.
I shook my head and smiled, turning around to face the crowd.
Still so easy.
Even after all these years, riling him up was as simple as tying my shoes. That’s what I liked most about Jared. He was predictable. He never threw my shit back at me. He took it in, absorbed it, and let his temper build. Which usually worked in his favor. He was probably going to win tonight despite the shade I was throwing at his car.
Sliding my hands into my pockets, I scanned the area, surveying the summer evening. The crowd was huge, the night clear, and music blared from all the speakers posted around. It was almost as if it was high school again.
Almost.
I spotted Jax chatting with Zack, both of them now able to sit back and enjoy the events without micro-managing the races anymore. It practically ran itself now.
His wife, Juliet, had a three-year-old flipped over her shoulder as she spun him around out in the field. She and Jax started taking in foster kids a few years ago, much braver than I would be, that was for sure. I could only imagine how hard it was to have to give the kids up when it was time for them to move on.
Their thirteen-year-old son, Hawke, stood a few yards away, tossing a football back and forth with my son, Kade, while my little sister, Quinn, sat on the grass, ear phones hanging around her neck and drawing pictures in her notebook as she kept an eye on my six-year-old daughter, A.J.
Since Quinn was nearly fourteen now, and old enough to babysit, we’d started keeping her pretty busy. Unfortunately, she’d also started requiring that we pay her, too.
Dylan and Hunter were…
Where were Dylan and Hunter?
I glanced left to right, and then all around me, which I pretty much did every twelve seconds of my life, counting kids and assessing that everyone was in one piece. I finally found Dylan sitting on a blanket with some of her friends.
At twelve, she definitely had her mom’s spunk, but she was also burdened with her father’s disregard for rules. Hopefully it wouldn’t get her into as much trouble as it had him.
Hunter strolled over and pulled his headphones off his neck, nudging Dylan’s shoulder as he handed them to her. Without a word, she took them and put them on, as if they’d done this a hundred times before, and she slowly began to bob her head to whatever song he’d wanted her to listen to.
I couldn’t help but smile.
Hunter was very different from Kade. Hell, he was different from me, Jared, and Jax, too. He was quieter, gentler, and he took notice of things the rest of us didn’t see. And while I used to suspect that Kade’s connection to Dylan was stronger, I was slowly starting to understand that maybe—just maybe—Hunter’s connection to her went deeper.
She took off the headphones, handing them back up to him with a smile and nodding her head as if giving him the go-ahead. They were working on a video yearbook for their middle school and collaborating on music, so whatever he’d found must’ve gotten her approval.
I crossed my arms over my chest, watching him just stand there, his feet shuffling nervously as he struggled to find his game.
Not like his dad. I was born ready.
But before he got a chance to say anything, a football came racing toward him, knocking him in the arm. I let out an aggravated breath and watched as he stumbled backward. He righted himself and shot a glare to the field where Kade stood laughing at him. The football had clearly come from him.
A few of the girls around Dylan giggled, as well, and I could see Hunter’s chest heaving. He was angry, but he wouldn’t do anything.
He never did.
I locked my jaw shut, every muscle tensing. Kade needed a kick in the ass, but unfortunately, Fallon disapproved of abusing the children.
As the boys had gotten older, they got along less and less, and while Fallon and I used to intercede and deal with the situations, trying to make peace, we eventually decided that they needed to work it out themselves. Hunter would learn nothing if we constantly ran to his aide, and punishing Kade only made Hunter feel weak.
Hunter’s entire body was stiff, and I could tell he wanted to react, but I could also tell he was embarrassed. People were laughing at him, and as usual, others’ rallied in his brother’s corner.
Hunter was always alone.
He dropped his eyes, his expression going flat, and then he left, giving Kade exactly what he wanted.
I shook my head, following him over to Jax’s car where it sat on the side of the track. He put his headphones on and folded his arms over his chest as he leaned back on the hood.
Stepping over next to him, I pulled the headphones back off his shaggy blond head. “He was joking around with you,” I explained, seeing the annoyed press to his lips. “Give it back to him or tell him to screw off. I know he makes you angry. You can tell him.”
He stared at the ground, anger still boiling under his skin. He wanted me to leave. He didn’t want to talk about his brother or about how he felt powerless around him.
“I don’t care,” he said in a flat tone. “They all think he’s so cool, and they like him more, so let them. I don’t need any of it.”
His jaw flexed, and I could tell he was grinding his teeth.
“Everyone seems to like him more?” I repeated. “Or one person seems to like him more?”
He raised his eyes, and I followed his gaze, seeing Kade and Hawke pulling the blanket up around the girls, making it look like Santa’s sack. Dylan yelled for them to stop, at the same time squealing and giggling with her friends.
“Like I said, I don’t care,” Hunter replied in an even tone, pulling his headphones back on.
But I yanked them back off again. “Do you care that he excludes you?” I pressed. “Don’t you want to do something about it?”
He looked away, and I wasn’t sure if I should keep going or leave him alone. He definitely didn’t want to hear it, but then you think he might NEED to hear it, so…
Parenting was hard. Like really fucking hard.
While Fallon and I had stopped interfering every time he and his brother got in an argument, I still wanted to be there for him. You know, keep the lines of communication open before he retreated inward, dropped out of school, became addicted to heroin, and we never heard from him again.
But then if I communicated TOO much, it might make him self-conscious, nervous, and then he could still get addicted to heroin, and we’d never hear from him again.
I tipped my head down, speaking frankly. “Life gets more complicated as we get older, Hunter. Especially where girls come in,” I added. “And standing up to Kade will be hard, but the thing is, it’s only hard the first time you do it. Everything is difficult until it becomes familiar.” I paused and then kept going. “You move to a new place, with no friends, and it’s hard. But then it becomes easier. You kiss a girl for the first time…”
“Dad…”
“And it’s hard,” I said louder, talking over him. “But then it becomes familiar, and it’s a piece of cake. Everything is easier once you get used to doing it. Except seeing skinny jeans on men.” I narrowed my eyes, shaking my head. “That trend should just never happen again.”
He rolled his eyes, looking like he was suffering the worst torture.
“Anyway,” I continued, “like I said, everything is difficult the first time. Like standing up to Kade will be. But once you do it, it’s going to get easier. Now, whether or not it’s tonight, next week, or five years from now, is completely up to you, but you’re her friend, too, and you have every right to be over there with them. Understand?”
He frowned, continuing to avoid my eyes.
I offered a small smile and finally stepped away, knowing I’d embarrassed him enough. But before I got too far, I turned around.
“And you’re wrong,” I pointed out. “Not everyone is a fan of your brother. Jared likes you more.”
Jared didn’t like Kade around Dylan, because Kade was too much like him. And the last thing we wanted for our daughters was men like us in high school.
I headed back to the track. Swinging an arm around my wife, she looked up at me as I stared over at Hunter retreating into his headphones again.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
I shook my head in thought. “Not sure what it is about him. I just feel like he needs us more than Kade does.”
“Hunter’s more like you. That’s why.”
Pinching my eyebrows together, I peered down at her. “How do you figure that?”
Kade was the confident one. If anything, he was the one who took after me.
But Fallon gazed down the track, nodding at Jared next to his car. “You know what it’s like to grow up in someone else’s shadow,” she remarked.
I breathed out a laugh. Okay, maybe she had a point.
Tightening my arm around her, I brought her in closer as I looked back at Hunter. “Storm’s coming, baby. I just hope she’s gentle.”
“I don’t think she’ll have any more control over that than they will.”
Jared
“Hey, Jared!” Madoc called behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder as I dumped some tools back in my car.
“I put chains in my trunk.” He smiled, holding his wife close. “Worse comes to worst, I can tow you across the line. At least you can finish, right?”
Fallon rolled her eyes, slapping him on the stomach as he and a few bystanders chuckled.
I turned back around, so he wouldn’t see the corner of my lips turning up in a smile. Madoc was so predictable.
He knew he might lose, so the best way to lose gracefully was to look like he wasn’t taking it too seriously. Crack some jokes, throw some insults, so he could just shrug off the loss as if it didn’t matter later. He’d always covered up his insecurities with humor, and it was one of the things I appreciated about him. Whereas I moped or retaliated through my self-doubt, his first instinct was to put himself and everyone around him at ease.
“Don’t worry.” Jax walked past me, slapping me on the back. “You’ll finish.”
And then he snorted, walking around the front of my car and attaching a small camera to the hood.
Really? Did everyone want to bust my chops today? I knew the prospect of a race between Madoc and me would bring in the crowd, despite the fact that we hadn’t raced here in years, but whereas everyone buzzed with who would win, I hadn’t really thought about it at all. I didn’t care.
When the hell had that happened?
“You’re quiet.” I heard a soft voice say as I fit the tools back into their case.
Looking up, I saw Tate standing next to the car, our five-year-old son, James, standing in front of her. Her arms were draped over his shoulders, hands locked in front of his chest as she gave me a thoughtful look.
“I’m always quiet,” I said in a low voice, shooting her a smirk as I closed the trunk.
She nodded, a knowing smile crossing her face. And then she looked down, nudging James. “Why don’t you go see if Jax needs help?”
His brown eyes got bright, and he immediately pulled away from her. I ruffled his sandy blond hair as he shot past us, off to look for his uncle.
Tate moved in close, tucking her long hair behind her ear. She looked so good in her jeans, white t-shirt, and brown leather jacket. I was already thinking of asking Jax or Madoc to take Dylan and James for the night, so I could take Tate and the car and just go get lost after the race.
“We haven’t raced here in a long time,” she remarked, looking around wistfully. “It was very different back then.”
I grabbed the cloth out of my back pocket and wiped off my hands “Different? Like how?”
“You were angrier,” she said, leaning back on the trunk. “You had something to prove. Now you’re…calm.”
“I’m happy,” I retorted.
She smiled, and I moved in front of her, lifting her off the ground and planting her ass on the trunk.
She sucked in a quick breath and then let out a small laugh. “You still make my stomach flip when you do that.”
“Do I?” I narrowed my eyes, peering at her. “Because a minute ago, you said I was ‘calm’. It’s starting to sound like I’m not exciting you anymore.”
She dropped her eyes and her voice to a whisper, blushing. “Please. You know that’s not true.”
Positioning myself between her thighs, I wrapped my arms around her waist, catching Dylan over Tate’s shoulder, out in the field, scowling at us. Then she rolled her eyes before turning back to her friends.
My chest shook with a laugh. If the poor kid had any idea how Jax and I grew up, she might be grateful rather than embarrassed to see her parents showing a little affection.
“It’s…I don’t know,” Tate went on. “Something’s just different now. The Loop feels different than it did in high school. You know?”
I stared into her storm-blue eyes, realizing I wasn’t imagining it after all. She felt it, too. It was different.
Maybe our time here had passed. Maybe we’d outgrown it.
In high school, racing week in and week out, I needed this place. It was the only thing that I looked forward to, and I had shit to prove. To my parents, to Tate, to the guy who got in my face last week, to the teachers who washed their hands of me, to everyone…
But as I grew up, I realized that no matter how many races I won, I still wasn’t a winner. I’d just convinced everyone around me but myself. Now…I didn’t feel like that anymore. I was worthy of my family, my kids, my home, my career, and my wife. I could lose a race now and not feel like a loser.
I leaned in, kissing her forehead. “Yeah, I know,” I whispered and then pulled away. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
I turned and walked for Madoc’s car, sitting farther down the track. He hadn’t moved into place yet, because he was late and the track was swarming with people who were in the way. Most of whom I didn’t recognize anymore.
He flashed a smile, jerking his chin at me. “Hey, what goes on pages four and five of that Mustang’s User Manual?” He gestured to my car behind me. “The bus and train schedule!”
I hooded my eyes, ignoring the dig. He seemed particularly excited, so I wouldn’t ruin it for him. Coming up next to him, I leaned on the car and folded my arms over my chest. “So I have to ask you something. Do you really want to race?”
I felt him stiffen next to me, and I could feel his eyes bearing down. “Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” he shot out.
Hesitating, I avoided his eyes and took in a deep breath. “The thing is…back in junior year, when Tate was in France,” I told him, “Zack called me and wanted to set up a race between us.”
“What?” he blurted. “How come I didn’t know that?”
I looked up, locking eyes with him. “Because I turned him down. I even forgot about it until recently.”
“Why did you turn it down?”
A nervous laugh escaped, and I just shrugged. “I guess I was afraid you’d win, and I’d get pissed. Or I’d win, and you’d get pissed. The thing is…I didn’t want to risk anything changing, you know?” I hinted when he kept looking at me like I he was confused. “In our friendship.”
He just kept staring at me, the creases between his eyes growing deeper.
“Come on.” I exhaled, laughing. “You were really all I had. You knew that, right? You were my only real friend. The only thing I could count on, and I didn’t have anything to prove with you, so why risk that?” I asked him, not expecting an answer. Standing up straight, I told him frankly, “I enjoyed not knowing who was the better man. We were on even ground, and I wanted to keep it that way. Being friends with you was the only thing in my life that was easy. I didn’t want to risk anything changing it.”
He remained speechless, and I didn’t blame him. It wasn’t often I admitted things like that. He was probably searching his arsenal for some joke to shoot back with.
“So are you wimping out then?” he accused.
I straightened, scowling over at him. “No, I’m not wimping out,” I charged. “You want to race? I’ll race. I’m just saying that we don’t have anything to prove. I mean, after we race, what then?”
He wins, and I’m going to hear about it for the rest of my life. I win, and he’ll change. He’ll never challenge me again, because he would know I was better. And I didn’t want to be better than him. I didn’t want him to think I was better or the people in this town to think I was better at anything. I didn’t want to compete with Madoc.
“Yeah,” he finally responded. “I mean…we’re young. The Loop’s not going anywhere. We can race anytime.”
“Yeah. Absolutely,” I agreed. “There’s no rush.”
The only problem was all the people who showed up to see it. Well, maybe Tate would race him then. She might like that idea.
But my train of thought was interrupted when some kid in the crowd complained, making me look up. “Hey, when are the old people going to be done, so we can race?”
“Seriously,” another one chimed in, checking his invisible watch and staring at us. “It’s past nine. Isn’t it your bedtime yet?”
“Little fuckers,” Madoc mumbled as the teens laughed with their friends.
“Yeah,” I growled under my breath.
“Leave ‘em alone, guys,” a black-haired kid next to them went on. “It’s the one night of the year their wives let them leave the house without the minivans.”
I chewed the inside of my mouth, my heartrate picking up.
Finally.
The blood in my arms rushed hot, and every hair on my neck stood up as I glared at the latest Loop generation and their smug confidence. Was I that much of an asshole back then?
“I’m kind of feeling like I have something to prove now. You?” Madoc spoke up.
The corner of my lips curled. “Yep.”
“Hope you don’t mind getting a few scratches on the Boss.”
I shook my head. “Nah. As long as you don’t mind a few dents in the GTO.”
“Not at all,” he answered, moving around me to the driver’s side. “It’s about time the kids learned how to rebuild a car anyway.”
I nodded, feeling the rush and excitement in my stomach that only came from being a little bit pissed off.
I smiled to myself as I walked back to my car.
Fucking minivans. Really?
Lucas
Fallon strolled across the track, making her way over to where I leaned against my car. I couldn’t help but be amused at the way she rolled her eyes and let out a sigh. It was the expression she usually wore when Madoc was about to do something stupid.
But when she looked up and saw me, she perked up, her lips spreading in a tired smile. “You know he’s going to miss you more than he lets on,” she said, standing next to me and staring at the track. “He calls you his firstborn.”
I let out a small laugh, watching Madoc and Jared climb into their cars as everyone cleared the track. Their engines revved in the night air, and I could feel the vibrations in my chest.
I also noticed two more cars lining up with them and narrowed my eyes, confused. I thought it was just Jared and Madoc racing first. But it looked like some of the new drivers were also joining in.
“We’ll all miss you, of course, but you’ll be back,” Fallon continued, sounding so sure.
I stayed silent, not sure how to respond.
Tonight was my last night in town. Madoc, the Big Brother that was more of a father to me than my own ever got a chance to be, made me promise to show up tonight to say goodbye to everyone.
But I think it was more for his own benefit—and the kids in their family whom I’d gotten close to. He knew I didn’t want to see anyone, preferring to just get away from here as soon as possible tomorrow.
My throat tightened, and I swallowed, forcing myself to indulge Fallon. “Yeah, I’ll miss you guys, too,” I admitted.
The traffic lights on the tracks started blinking, and Fallon hugged her chest as she popped up on her tiptoes to see. The engines roared, over and over again as the crowd went wild. I never raced here—I never took much interest—but I would definitely miss this—and them.
During the past year since I’d finished grad school, I’d been running Fallon’s Chicago office, being a face on the scene and handling our clients. She preferred to stay in Shelburne Falls, working on her designs from home, while I handled the office.
Recently, however, I’d needed to get away. I took a job with a firm in New York, and was being sent overseas to work with a team of architects in the Middle East. It was slated to be a lengthy project, and I couldn’t wait to leave. It was exactly what I needed.
“Do what you need to do, Lucas,” Fallon had said. “We’ll always be here for you.”
And I hoped that was true. Madoc seemed a little pissed when I told him I was leaving town. With the distance, I doubted I’d make it home very often, either.
Jared, on the other hand, seemed less judgmental when I asked if going away for a while was the best thing. He said leaving his friends, family, and Tate was the worst thing he’d ever done, but he also said he didn’t regret it for a second. ‘We need to go through shit and suffer to learn who we are and distance can bring perspective and make us grow up’, blah, blah, blah…but also, ‘don’t expect the world to stop turning while you’re gone. Things will change, and you better expect that.’
And then he said to stop asking him about shit he didn’t have the answers to.
I looked up at Jared, Madoc, and Jax on the track. They had beautiful families and were lucky in love with women who were driven and strong. I used to think they had all the answers, and then I realized that they fucked up just as much as I had. The only difference was they were fighters. They refused to fail.
I crossed my arms over my chest, balling my fists and hardening my jaw. Where had my fight gone? Did I even fucking care anymore?
“Woo hoo!”
Shouts echoed across the field, and I blinked, coming out of my head. I watched as the red light turned to yellow—more engines revving—and then turned to green.
And all four cars shot off, their exhaust and the burn of their tires clouding the air and kicking up dust.
I heard Fallon suck in a breath as Madoc immediately took the lead. We watched as he rounded the first corner, but then, all of a sudden, he whipped his car around, skidding as he faced the opposite direction. The direction the other cars were coming from.
The other drivers swerved, kicking up more dirt under their tires as they laid on their horns.
What the hell he was doing?
Fallon groaned and locked her palms in front of her chest, her fingers entwined. “He is such an idiot sometimes.”
I watched as Madoc shifted into reverse, slammed on the gas, and started driving backward, swerving side to side as he blocked the other cars from passing him, clearly having a little fun teasing them.
Laughter filled the track, and I could feel Fallon’s eyes roll as we watched Madoc hang back, topping out at only thirty miles an hour—all he could do in reverse—but keeping the other cars back and allowing Jared to speed ahead. I could see arms flailing out of car windows from pissed off drivers, and Jax was hanging in the stand, hunched over the railing, laughing his ass off at the joke his brother and Madoc were making of the race.
“I guess they’re working as a team?” I mused.
“Yep,” she said in a clipped tone. “Apparently, they needed to measure their dicks against a couple high school kids. Men never grow up. No offense.”
I breathed out a laugh, sticking my hands in the pockets of my cargo shorts. The guys continued rounding the track, and as soon as Madoc had an opportunity, he slammed on the breaks, spun back around—causing the other cars to skid and swerve again—and he jumped on the gas, speeding ahead and putting him and Jared in the lead.
“You know,” Fallon began, both of us still watching the guys round the track, “you won’t leave guilt-free tomorrow. I think someone other than Madoc is mad at you.”
Turning my head to her, I saw her eyes fixed out on the grass. Following her gaze, I spotted Quinn on a blanket, lying on her stomach and drawing in the journal she always carried around with her. The one Juliet gave her for her fifth birthday.
Madoc’s daughter, A.J., sat beside her, playing with her puppy, and I caught Quinn’s eyes briefly flash to me.
But then she quickly looked away when she saw me watching.
Yeah. Jaw clenched, tight lips, and even from here I could tell she was going over the same line with her pen again and again, probably tearing the paper underneath. Her fingers were as white as snow, because she was holding the pen so tight.
Definitely mad.
I frowned to myself. Quinn was just a kid, and even though the family joked about her little crush on me over the years, she did kind of have a special place in my heart. She hadn’t had it easy, after all.
Well, she hadn’t really had it rough, either. She had everything she could ever want, as the daughter of Jason Caruthers would. But she was on a short leash. Her father hovered, and when he didn’t, her brothers did.
I was the one who had let her do things no one else would.
I was the first one to put a rifle in her hand out at the shooting range. She was nine, and I got slapped over the head for it. And I also gave her her first ride on a motorcycle when she was eleven. I realize now it was a mistake not to have a helmet on her, but it’s not like I was racing down the highway, either. I thought everyone in the family was going to kill me.
I shook my head, blowing off Fallon’s little concern. “Well, she starts high school in the fall, right? She’ll be too busy with boys and teen drama to even remember my name.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” she retorted. “You’re pretty much the only non-family member male she’s allowed to be around.”
I smiled at the joke, taking off my baseball cap and running my hand through my hair before putting it back on. “Well, like I said…high school. All the men in her life will miss the days when it was just me letting her swim without a life jacket. They’ll realize I was the least of their problems.”
Fallon laughed to herself and then looked up, stopping as she peered over the track. “Oh, no,” she grumbled. “I’ll be right back.”
Looking over, I spotted Kade and some kid I didn’t recognize getting into a fight. Fallon rushed over and immediately planted herself between them.
Over their heads, I saw Jared and Madoc heading for the finish line, head to head. I peered closely as they got nearer and nearer, and then…
I saw it.
It was a moment, and it was small, but I was pretty certain. Jared laid off the gas.
He’d done the same thing years ago when I was a kid, and I saw him race Tate. I don’t think anyone noticed but me.
Madoc crossed the finish line, and screams and cheers filled the air, everyone rushing the truck after the cars had passed.
I wasn’t sure why Jared did it. Maybe he didn’t want to win, or maybe he wanted to let Madoc have the day.
Or maybe he was paying Madoc back for all the black eyes he’d given him over the years and Tate back for the fifty shades of dick he was in high school.
Maybe he just felt guilty.
Dropping my gaze back down, I saw Quinn looking at me again, but once more, she quickly turned away.
I let out a sigh, starting to feel some of that guilt Fallon talked about. Quinn had known me her entire life. I guess I could muster up a ‘goodbye’ even when all I wanted to do was leave.
Walking over, I stopped next to her and knelt down. “I’m going to miss your croissants, you know?”
Her frown deepened as she continued to stare at her paper. “They’ll probably have better food and restaurants where you’re going anyway.”
“But they won’t be made by you.”
I was trying to soothe her, but she wasn’t having it. I didn’t want her to be mad at me, but I knew it was hard for a kid her age to understand.
And there were things I couldn’t explain to her right now. She was too young. She should be happy and excited without a care in the word, and I hated that she was wasting even one minute of her time thinking I was going to be worth missing.
“Well, stay trained up, okay?” I nudged her shoulder with my hand. “I might be back to visit soon, and I’ll expect to try some of your new recipes.”
“You won’t be back at all,” she mumbled, still not looking at me.
“How do you know?”
“Because everyone lies to make people feel better.”
I narrowed my gaze, studying her. Where the hell had she come up with a thought like that?
She finally turned her head and looked up at me, her brown eyes sad. “You’ll find new friends and forget about us.”
I shook my head, no clue what to say next. Would I make friends where I was going? Probably. Was I sure I’d be back? No. Right now, I never wanted to come back here.
But I wanted her to feel better, so, without thinking, I took off my cap and fit it over her head, chuckling when the visor part fell over her eyes.
“I will be back,” I argued. “I’ll have to get my cap back, right?”
She plucked the hat off her head, her eyes going wide as she studied it.
“You can’t give me this,” she breathed out, stunned. She knew it was my father’s and how much I loved it. But for some reason, I didn’t feel like I would miss it if I knew it would mean something to her.
“I already did,” I shot back. “So take care of it, okay?”
Standing up, I cast her one last smile before turning around to head to my car. I needed to get out of here. I was lying to her. I was lying to everyone. I had no intention of returning, even for the baseball cap. I just didn’t want her to hate me. She was the only person who still thought I was something.
“Lucas!” I heard a yell behind me.
I spun around just in time to see Quinn dig in her backpack and pull out something small. Rushing over to me, she handed me the circular metal case.
“Now you have to come back.” She smiled, and then she dashed off, back to her seat on the ground.
Pinching my eyebrows together, confused, I opened my hand, immediately recognizing the compass her mom gave to her one year for Christmas.
Shit. This was vintage and an heirloom. If she didn’t want it back, her family would. I couldn’t keep it.
I flipped it over, studying the piece and saw the words inscribed on the back. “Happiness is a direction, not a place.”
Aggravation heated my skin, the words hitting home harder than they should. They implied that no matter where I went, nothing would really change.
Had to hand it to her. she knew how to make a hard situation worse.
Letting out a sigh, I took a step forward to return the compass to Quinn, or to someone in her family, but then I spotted her dad charging over the field straight for her, and I stopped, watching.
He never came to the Loop. What the hell was he doing?
“Quinn!” he called, his necktie hanging loose around his neck. “Get your things. You’re coming home.”
She popped her head up, looking startled.
But Madoc immediately stepped in, coming up next to his father. “What the hell’s wrong? Why can’t she stay?”
Mr. Caruthers ignored him, hurrying his daughter who had pushed up on her knees as she gathered her backpack. “Now,” he ordered.
“Dad, what are you doing?” Madoc barked, his expression turning angry now. “We already cleared this with Katherine.”
Quinn stood up, pulling my baseball cap down over her eyes and clinging to her backpack straps as she looked down at the ground, probably embarrassed.
“It’s nearly ten at night,” her father told Madoc, “and she’s on a schedule. She has a full day tomorrow, and I don’t want her running around town at all hours.”
“She’s not running around town,” Jared stepped in, his voice hard. “She’s with her family.”
“Dad, seriously,” Madoc chimed in again. “She’s fine.”
“Fine?” he challenged, looking sternly at his son. “She’s a teenage girl, and maybe you have more confidence in your kids to be around this element and not be influenced, but I’ve raised a teenager, Madoc.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I should’ve been more heavy-handed with you,” his father lowered his voice as Fallon, Tate, and Juliet came closer. “I should’ve been there for you, and I should’ve laid down rules and enforced them. I’m not making that mistake again. Quinn’s getting a good father.”
“I turned out fine!” Madoc nearly laughed.
But his father’s jaw flexed. “You were almost a sixteen-year-old father,” he retorted.
Madoc immediately straightened, rage crossing his face as Fallon closed her eyes, turning her head away.
A sixteen-year-old father? Well, that was something I hadn’t been aware of. Shit.
“It wasn’t your fault,” Mr. Caruthers added to his son. “It was mine, and I won’t be making that mistake again.” And turning to Quinn, he urged, “Come on.”
He turned, walking to his car with her slowly following behind. She turned her head, though, and I could see her eyes pooling with tears as she met my gaze. Quinn never cried, and something protective inside my head kicked in, and I was almost angry as we all watched her go.
My heart started beating harder and harder, and I tensed, feeling everything knot up so tight I thought I was going to explode. It was more than I’d felt in months.
But I was steel. I didn’t budge.
I was leaving, and if I came back, it wouldn’t be for years. I needed to cut my connection to this place and these people. Being nice and caring and considerate and a fucking pushover is what got me into the mess I was in, and as I watched Jason Caruthers drive off with his daughter, I ignored her little wave and dropped my eyes.
I didn’t care.
I didn’t care that Madoc was disappointed in me or that Fallon was worried for me.
And I didn’t care about Quinn or that she had looked up to me. Tomorrow I’d be gone, and she’d get over it sooner rather than later. Kids have short memories.
Still feeling the compass in my palm, I walked over toward Madoc to give it back, but then my eyes fell, seeing Quinn’s journal open and lying upside down on the ground. In the rush, she must’ve overlooked it.
Madoc picked up his daughter, and without looking up, I could tell everyone was slowly dispersing. Leaning down, I picked up the journal and quickly turned my head, seeing the shrinking taillights of her father’s BMW speed down the road.
Madoc could get this back to her before she missed it.
I flipped it over to close it, but I quickly caught sight of a page filled with black scribbles and stopped, opening it wide to look inside.
How do the stripes get in the toothpaste?
I narrowed my eyes. What?
Studying the page, I continued to read. Which language was the first? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Boxing ring. Shouldn’t it be called a boxing square? How come psychics never win the lottery?
A smile spread across my lips, and I fanned the book, taking in the each and every page, front and back, used to its fullest. No dates, no complete sentences. There were just lines upon lines of mindless doodles, small drawings, big drawings, recipes, lists, random thoughts, and…questions.
Questions on every page.
Why do they nail coffins closed? Are eyebrows considered facial hair? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don’t they fall through the floor? Small candy bars are called fun-size. But wouldn’t the big ones be more fun to eat?
My chest shook, and I laughed. Yeah, questions.
I remembered that her dad—and Jared, Madoc, and Jax—all complained when she was little that she asked too many questions. She was always curious about everything, and it even annoyed me, too, from time to time. In fact, part of any daily activity involving Quinn would also involve a pause to answer all of her questions.
So Juliet got her a journal. She could write down her non-essential questions, and Juliet would help her research the answers. After a few years, though, Quinn stopped looking up the answers. She just wanted to ask the questions, I guess. To just wonder.
Flipping back to the page she’d been working on today, I ran my hand over the scaly paper, bumpy from all of her pen’s dent marks, and spotted one last question down at the bottom.
What if he gets married before I grow up?
***
A little Valentine’s note from Jax to Juliet . . .
Every year I try to do this right. I have a plan, and there are things I want to say to you. Things you need to know. But if there’s one thing we both know about me, it’s that everything goes out the window when we’re alone. Everything I’m feeling and want to tell you leaves my head, and I end up failing at giving you that special romantic night out and all the other things you deserve.
You think I just get carried away and cut our dinners short. You think it’s amusing that I have no control over myself, drag you out of restaurants, and let the brand new dress you bought go to waste when I take you home to bed early.
The truth is I’m not that selfish. I love your body, baby, and I love how good we are together, but there’s a reason we haven’t been separated a single night since that summer all those years ago when we first got together. There’s a reason I can’t wait to get home every day.
You’re irreplaceable.
I could tell you that I love how you make our house a home, how you make sure that Hawke always has everything he needs, and that you’re the mother to him that I never had. How you take care of everyone and how you still shiver when I touch you.
But most of all, the thing I want to make sure you know (that I can never seem to tell you in person) is how I’m happy every day.
Every single day.
These are things I wanted to tell you, but by the time the moment comes, my nerves are shot and I just say “fuck it” and act out. That’s usually why we end up in the car before the second course has started.
So tonight, I’m going to do things differently. Romantic dinners out don’t work for me. We’re going to an inn overnight where I’m going to feed you and put you in a bath and wash every inch of you myself, so pack a bag.
But first, we’re going to laugh and have some fun. Meet me on Woodmere Hill at the golf course and dress warm. I’ll bring the sled.
Madoc: Damn, I love this picture of Tate and me.
Jared: When was that taken?
Madoc: Like a year ago.
Jared: >:(
Madoc: Don’t get mad. We were all drunk, but I kept her safe. Kept my arms wrapped around her the entire time.
Jared: Excuse me?
Madoc: You should be happy! She was very cold in that little bikini. I kept her warm.
Jared: Shut up.
Madoc: I wonder if Fallon lent her some of the expensive lotion she uses. Tate’s skin was…man. Nice and soft.
Jared: >:(
Madoc: But don’t worry! I was the only one who touched her!
Jared: Come here. I want to talk to you.
Madoc: *snorts* Sorry, gotta go!
***
Dylan: Daddy?
Jared: *sleeping
Dylan: Daddy?
Jared: Hmmmm?
Dylan: Can I sleep in here?
Jared: *opens eyes* Why? What’s wrong?
Dylan: I’m scared.
Tate: Hey, sweetheart. Come on. Climb in.
Jared: *whispers to Tate* We talked about this. One night will turn into six months, and our bedroom is our space. She needs to sleep in her own room now.
Tate: *grumbles
Jared: *looks to Dylan* What scared you?
Dylan: There’s something outside my door.
Jared: What?
*grabs phone, rushes to Dylan’s room, whips open doors*
Jared: You little…
*sees Hawke, Kade, and Hunter wearing Halloween masks and racing back through the tree over to Hawke’ room*
Jared: Get in bed!
Dylan: Yeah! Jerks! *looks to Dad* I knew it was them. I wasn’t really scared.
Jared: Okay, you get back in bed, too. I’ll lock the doors.
*dials Jax
Jared: You have Kade and Hunter sleeping over with Hawke tonight?
Jax: Yeah.
Jared: Well, get the kids in bed. It’s after midnight.
Jax: They ARE in bed.
Jared: Think. Again.
Jax: Son of a… *hangs up
***
It’s Christmas morning, and Madoc and family have come over to Jared and Tate’s. But they’re still sleeping.
Madoc: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Tate: *groans* *still asleep*
Madoc: GET UP!!
Jared: *lifts head off pillow* I’m going to fuck him up. What time is it?
Tate: *moans, reaches over and cuddles* Ignore him. Come back here.
Jared: *lays back down
Madoc: Seriously!! I can’t believe you two are in bed when your ten-year-old daughter is outside the house unsupervised!!
Jared: *pops head up again* What?!
Madoc: I’M GUESSING RIGHT ABOUT NOW YOU’RE NOTICING A STRANGE SOUND, RIGHT?!
Jared: *listening
Tate: *listening
Jared: Oh, shit! *scrambles, throws on jeans and races out of room
Jared: What the hell is she doing?
Madoc: I’m guessing she found her Christmas present early.
Jared: *swings open front door, sees Dylan and Hawke racing down snow-covered Fall Away Lane on their four-wheelers.
Madoc: You realize it was kind of stupid for you and Jax to get them the same thing, right?
Jared: Dylan!! Get off that thing now!
Dylan: *carries on racing as the snow falls
Madoc: *snorts* It’s okay. Mine hear white noise when I start yelling, too.
Jared: *throws on sweatshirt, shoes, and runs to the street
Jared: Dylan, now!
Dylan and Hawke pull up to curb. Hunter and Kade watching. Fallon and Tate come outside…
Dylan: I love it! It’s so much fun!
Jared: Yeah, you don’t have a helmet on. You haven’t been trained on it, and you’re on a city street. Get off now.
Dylan: Did you wear a helmet when you raced?
Jared: I didn’t race four-wheelers.
Dylan: Were you trained how to race? I thought you told Hawke that a little danger is good for you.
Jared: Hawke’s not my child.
Dylan: Is it because I’m a girl?
Jared: Jesus…
Dylan: And Mom told me that you and she raced all the way to Main—IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY! IN CARS!
Jared: *cocks eyebrow at Tate*
Tate: *hides smile
Dylan: I’ll learn how to use it on my own. I don’t need help.
Jared: No, I…
Dylan: You can’t just take it away now that I’ve gotten a chance to ride it. If I have to come inside, I’m just going to stare at it through the window all day being unhappy.
Jared: Dylan, I–
Dylan: And I don’t want to be unhappy on Christmas. Come on, please? It’s so much fun. It’s going to ruin the whole day if you make me wait to ride it.
Jared: Don’t be dramatic. I—
Dylan: I’m not being dramatic! Do you call the boys dramatic?
Jared: I…I…
Tate: *laughing
Madoc: *making whipping sound
Dylan: Just twenty more minutes.
Hawke: An hour.
Dylan: Yeah, an hour. Then we’ll come inside!
Hunter: Hey, Dyl. Let me ride with you.
Dylan: Don’t call me Dyl, Dork.
Hunter: Fine. Let me ride with you. *walks to four-wheeler
Kade: *grabs him and pulls him away* You go be Hawke’s sissy. I’ll ride with Dylan.
Kade: *looks at Dylan* Scoot back. I’m driving.
Dylan: Fat chance. You want to ride with me, climb on behind. I’m driving.
Kade: *smirks, climbs on behind and then leans forward into Dylan’s back, placing his hands on the handlebars and pushing hers out of the way.
Dylan: Hey!
Kade: I always win. You know that by now. *speeds off, followed by Hawke and Hunter
Madoc: That’s my boy. You can’t learn skill like that.
Jared: *scowls and glares at Madoc
Madoc: Oh, come on. Things are going to get real interesting in a few years. She doesn’t stand a chance. You know that.
Jared: Shut up.
***
Quinn Caruthers is seventeen. She’s sitting at the kitchen table, at night, and Jared, Madoc, and Jax walk in.
Quinn: Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
Jared: Mmm hmm…*searching for food
Madoc: *searching for food* Yeah, what is it?
Quinn: Well, it’s kind of personal.
Guys: *still searching for food
Quinn: Well, um…I kind of wanted to know…what does sex feel like for a man?
Guys: *stop and shoot their eyes over to her
Jax: *snorts
Madoc: Um…
Jared: *looks like he swallowed something bitter
Madoc: It feels like…warm apple pie.
Jax: *laughing
Jared: *scowling* Don’t be an idiot. *looks to Quinn* And you don’t need to know that yet.
Quinn: I’m seventeen.You’re telling me you guys were virgins at my age?
Madoc: *smiles at Jared* Come on, man. She’s practice for Dylan. You’re going to have to deal with this sooner or later.
Jared: It feels good, alright? Is that what you wanted to know?
Madoc: Yeah. It feels…*takes a deep, wistful breath* REALLY good.
Jax: Yeah, really good.
Quinn: Good. That’s it? Come on, guys. I can’t ask Dad. And I’m not going to ask Hawke. He’s a year younger, and I’m not having him educate ME on that stuff.
Jax: *stops with spoon raised to lips* Hawke’s having sex? *looks around to the guys* Fuck, I gotta go. *puts bowl down and leaves room
Jared: *sits down, eating* Why do you want to know?
Quinn: I’m curious. I want to know what men like.
Jared: Everything. And you can find out in college. After college. When you’re married. Not in high school. You understand? Every single high school guy is an asshole. Every single one. I promise.
Madoc: Hey. I have two boys in high school
Jared: *raises eyebrow to Madoc and then looks at Quinn* Every. Single. One. Got it?
Quinn: *rolls eyes
Don’t worry, Quinn. You’re about to be the least of their problems.
***
Jared is shopping for tampons. He and Tate are texting…
Jared: Okay, I’m here. What do you need again?
Tate: They’re in a black box. They say Kotex on them.
Jared: Jesus.
Jared: Like WHERE are they?
Jared: Left, right, top, bottom?
Tate: Do you see the black boxes?
Tate: Jared?
Tate: Are you in the tampon aisle?!
Jared: No.
Jared: I’m staying in the vitamin aisle until you tell me exactly where they are, so I can grab them.
Tate: Dude…
Tate: You’re going to have to go through the check-out, you know.
Jared: Fuck.
Jared: People are watching. I don’t want to be here anymore.
***
Madoc is shopping for tampons. He and Fallon are texting…
Fallon: Where are you already?!
Madoc: At the store
Fallon: Hurry up!
Madoc: There are way too many choices here. It’s ridiculous. Do you need super absorbency?
Madoc: And what’s the difference between a plastic applicator and a non-applicator? I Googled it, and did you know there are sixteen ways women are using these things wrong?
Madoc: I mean, what are you chicks doing with them? I’m actually a little freaked out for you.
Fallon: Madoc…
Madoc: They have gentle glide and something called 360. Does that mean they rotate?
Madoc: Sounds kinky.
Madoc: And they have Sport Fresh, but that sounds more like Tate. She’s sporty. I’ll get those for her.
Fallon: YOU ARE NOT THERE TO GET TATE TAMPONS!
Madoc: Oh, right.
***
Alright, I did Jared and Madoc’s tampon adventures, so here’s Jax!
Everyone’s at his house for a cookout…
Jax: I forgot the hot dogs! Be back in a minute!
Juliet: Wait! There’s a list on the refrigerator!
Jax: *rubs face with hands* There’s always a list. What the hell? I need ONE thing.
Madoc: *snort
Jax: Wait, what’s Kotex?
Juliet: Jax! Shhh!
Jared: *shaking head* I could tell you, but I don’t care to relive that.
Tate: Oh, my God. What a baby. It’s tampons, Jax.
Jax: *cocks eyebrow, looks at girlfriend
Juliet: *shrugs* I need them, and I do your laundry, so…
Madoc: Do you want me to go with you? I’m kind of a connoisseur with that shit now.
Jax: *rolls eyes* When do you need them by?
Juliet: I’m expecting my period next week. I’m sure you can work up the courage, big boy. I promise, no one will think they’re for you.
Jared: It was pretty fucking horrible. People looked at me.
Juliet: Oh, would you shut up? Knowing Jax, he’s going to get one of his flunkies at the Loop to do it for him, and he needs to man up.
Jax: *fiddling on phone
Tate: I’ll go with you, Jax. It’ll be a piece of cake.
Madoc: Well, I want to go, too.
Fallon: And then you’ll be there all day debating sleek fit and regular fit.
Madoc: I’ll show you a sleek fit.
Jax: *fiddling on phone
Juliet: Jax, just do it. Buy some condoms with it if it makes you feel more like a man.
Madoc: Come on. Let’s all go.
Jared: I’m not going.
Jax: *fiddling on phone
Juliet: Just go, please! We need hot dogs on the grill, and this is ridiculous.
Jax: *heaves sigh, puts phone away* Okay, Kotex tampons will be delivered day after tomorrow. I ordered you six, thirty-six-count boxes, and the order will automatically repeat every six months. Four-hundred tampons is enough for a year, right? I love Amazon. They have everything.
Juliet:…
Jared: …
Tate: …
Madoc: …
Fallon: …
Jax: What?
Jared: You ordered them online? I didn’t know you could do that.
Jax: Work smarter, not harder. I’m going to get hot dogs.
THE END
To Katie Harder-Shauer—thank you for searching for all of this content!! It saved me lots of time, and I really appreciate all of your help. Xoxo
To everyone else—thanks for your love of these characters! They live, because you keep them alive. I hope you love the next generation, and enjoy the glimpses of Jared, Tate, Madoc, Fallon, Jax, and Juliet.
‘Under a Black Flag We Shall Sail!’
(Yeah, you’ll find out what that means)
xoxo Pen